Hi there tribe, it’s me again. Yup, you guessed it. Your soul speaking. I haven't been around in a while and well that’s because life gets busy. Just like you, I get carried away with other tasks and to do’s. But now I am back. I am focused. And I have something to share. I know that you won’t want to listen, and believe me, I can play this game. You and I have played it many times. Actually, that is what this whole thing is about. Not just hearing things, but listening. So know that when I say I know you can do this, meaning listen to me for the next 2 minutes, you can. Because you have done it before and I hope you'll do it again. Because I know you need to hear this. I know you need to relive this. But before we get there, I need you to think back. Think back to the first time you heard someone say, “yes you can”, “you are loved”, “you are worthy”, “you are important”. Think back to the first time those words were the ice picks that finally cracked your cold heart. Think about that. Go there. Right now. Close your eyes. And just be.
See I remember it all to well. There you were. Broken, afraid, stressed, confused. You name it, you were it. It didn't matter what you did, what you said, what you wanted, there was no way you were going to get it. Because you couldn't let those words break down the walls and re stitch your heart. You heard them week to week, sometimes even day to day, but there you were. Not able to hear them fully. Not able to allow them to transform you life. Not able to let them set you free. You tuned them out. You thought these aren't words for me. You convinced yourself that you weren't worthy. That they were meant for people who deserved them. And that no matter how hard you tried, it would never be you. And this went on for a while. It built up. The importance and desire for those words grew just like the walls you built around your heart. But you could only push them away for so long. because just like pain being demanded to be felt, words like this, they demand to be heard.
And that takes us to that place. The day. The song. The speech. The whatever that finally got you to not only hear, but to listen. If you know where we are in this story of yourself, you can still feel that feeling in your belly. The same one you felt that very moment when you finally let those words be heard. That feeling, the one you are experiencing again. It’s more than love. It’s more than happiness. It’s worthiness. It’s the moment you were finally able to allow yourself become worthy of those words. That feeling, it is the catalyst of all feelings. Because you see, nothing can be felt, nothing can be fixed, nothing can get better until you have allowed yourself to feel worthy of those things. To decide deep down in that heart of yours, that you deserve and are worthy of all your hopes and dreams. It starts with finally listening to the love and encouragement that surrounds you every single day.
And you know what? That day whether you can remember it or not. It is the reason you are here. It is the reason you have what you have. It is the reason you are you. And it should be celebrated. It should be acknowledged. Because when we hear those words, and we finally listen, they begin to become a part of us. They begin to drive our actions. They change our views. The fuel our dreams. they become the very essence of who we are. And what may we be? Unique and worthy individuals who set this world on fire with dreams, hope, and love each and every day.
Right here and right now, remember those words. Listen to them again. Let them fuel you to achieve whats next. Because what you are right now, where you are right now, it wasn't by chance. it wasn't some miracle. It wasn't time healing old wounds. It was you. You deciding that you were worth the love and the laughter. The memories and milestones. The pink bows and baseball bats. The career and the house. The big things and the little. YOU did that. Not by coincidence, but by opening your heart to what it knew all along. And guess what. You’re gonna do it again and again until your last breath. Because that is the only way you know how to live, and by that I mean truly live. I know you can, because you already have. I’m just here to remind you that the time is now.
Yes you can. You are strong. You are loved. You are beautiful. And you are oh so worthy.
The soul of the beautiful person reading this
January 3rd. That’s the day. It’s day 3 of this new year new me, be the author of your own story, look forward not back. And guess what, it’s hard. It’s hard to break the habits. To not eat the chips. To drink the coffee without the cream. To pack a lunch instead of buy. To get to the gym. To say the nice thing. It’s hard to break old habits. I realized that with high expectations and big lifestyle changes all at the same time, there is a lot of room for us to let ourselves down. Not because we can’t do it, but because we are human. And guess what, that is okay. It is okay to slip back. It is okay to regress. It is okay to pour the glass. As long as we know it come with two steps forward the next day. I thought a lot about resolutions this year. I thought more so about how I would ensure that I could achieve them. I realized that setting specific goals with numbers and timelines just wasn't working. Because what happens when the date come and the goal has not been met…disappointment. You think you have failed and that all that hard work goes to shit because quite frankly, you were more focused on the finish line then the walk there. We’ve all done it before, I know I have, where we think the end day is going to make it all better. That if we just get there it will magically happen. And for those of us that have fallen into this trap know that the sad reality is it never works that way. So how do we set resolutions for ourselves without inevitably being disappointed about it? I think I have the answer.
I realized that the whole point of a resolution is for it to make you better. To help you become the best version of yourself. I mean we start the year all motivated and excited because we think this is THE thing that is going to make all the clouds somehow shine. But why do we limit that to just a year? I mean if 2020 is the year of hydration does that just stop when 2021 comes around? Or does it even make it that far in the first place? These are the questions that we need to be asking ourselves when we set these goals. I think a better way of phrasing these resolutions is by calling them lifestyle changes. I think that is the only way to ensure that what we want here in this very day, is accomplished by this very day next year, and even further than that, for the rest of our lives. I think by taking it habit by habit, day by day, issue by issue, we can transform our lives into the healthiest, happiest, versions of ourselves.
But what about this word wholesome? Why is this the title. Well because I think it should be the root of all of our lifestyle changes. I have been thinking a lot about what the difference is between having it and having it all. And it think it comes down to whether or not it was wholesome. Stay with me, I know this sounds strange. Imagine in your head someone who loves their job. Who loves their husband, wife, or partner. Who loves themselves. Who loves to eat clean during the weeks and indulge on the weekends. Who always has something nice to say when faced with conflict. Who seeks to understand. Who listens and cares. Who has time for what seems like anything and anyone. Imagine them in your head right now. I know I am sitting here thinking yep, they have it all figured out and I can barely keep myself from cheating on day 2 of my healthy eating plan. And that is the point. these people. The ones who “have it all”, the ones who have cracked the code. it wasn’t in just one year. It wasn't one vision board. It wasn't just one goal. It was the choice to make a wholesome life change. To take it into their own hands. To incorporate it slowly but surely. To do it at their pace. To do it with the goal of bettering themselves with no expectations or dates or end goals in sight. Because the reality is if it’s good enough for us to make our whole year about, it has to be good enough for us to want it forever.
So I ask you today to make the wholesome choice. The one that will be here for years to come. Do more things that make you whole. Eat more things that fuel your body. Drink more things that hydrate and energize. Think more things that light a fire in your soul and put a beat in your heart. Say more things that bring sunshine to not only your life, but others. Do this today. Do it tomorrow. Do it fast or do it slow. But just keep doing it. Because our time here as people has an end, but who we are while we we’re here lives on forever. So decide today to be know as the person who had it all in the best of ways. Because this journey, these goals, they are really just the road map to the best version of yourself. And when you have that, well you pretty much have it all.
2020, may you be wholesome. May you be bright. May you be everything we need.
Hi there beauties! I wish I was writing to you while looking at a blanket of fresh snow with the fireplace going while wrapped in a blanket enjoying my coffee. But unfortunately it is just another dreary, cold day in one of the most stressful times of the year. I know the joy and magic of the season is what makes it so great, but being realistic, we all know that the joy and magic come after a lot of work and stress. Hold on because we are almost there. The break, the celebrations, the smiles, the family it is all so close. We can and we will do it. Just have to hold on a little bit longer. I am definelty feeling the stress of the holidays a little more than usual this year. Not only is this my first holiday season “on my own”, but it also my first holiday season as a teacher. Yup, that is what you call a double whammy my friends. You really don't know a headache until you spend the day with 18 six year old jumping out of their seats because they just can’t wait one more day for Santa. It’s cute for about a day…this has been going strong for 14 days people!! The truth of the matter is, this time of the year, it can become a lot. And sometimes, we just need to go home.
About a week ago I had one of those nights. It was a Sunday. I was so grumpy and lazy all day. And then the realness of Monday set in and I lost it. I just came crashing down. I was completely overwhelmed by the presents, the shopping, the cards, the lesson plans, the laundry, the groceries, the cleaning, did I mention the laundry because like how does it even get done during the holidays…let me know. I was just overwhelmed with life and my body, my heart, and my soul had reached their breaking point. There I was, in a bubble bath trying to relax, sobbing. Because I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what I needed. I felt like I had no time to see my friends, but I really wanted to. I felt like I couldn't go to the gym because there was too much to do, but then I sat there thinking about the gym. It was a spiral. And it was the first time in a long time I wished I could just fast forward life and be in a better place. We all know that isn't the reality and that sooner or later, Monday comes. So how do we get ourselves up? How do we keep going? We go home. We reset. We refocus. And we do that as many times as we need to. But where is home? Well, I think we all know.
I realized that one of the things that had been missing from my life was TORQUE. My home. My self-care. My me time. When things got busy and when life got stressful, it was the first thing to be cut. Because I had convinced myself I didn't have the time. And that was the biggest mistake. Because what happened was I just kept giving. Everyday, we give ourselves. We give our time. We give our thoughts. We give our ideas. We give our patience. We give, we give, we give. When life gets busy sometimes we can get into this cycle where we think others actions will fill that void of self love. But nothing can fix that hole in our hearts, that pit in our stomach, those tears in our eyes than the genuine love and time we can set aside for ourselves. When we don't take the time to refill our cup, we find ourselves crying in the bathtub in a Sunday night not knowing why. So I realized that I needed to MAKE the time to get into the studio because feeling this way was unacceptable and completely preventable. That week I got into the studio Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. Was I a little bit more tired? Yep. Did I have to work a little smarter? yep. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I really can’t explain the instant relief I had just walking into the studio. Seeing familiar faces. Doing something I love. It was the best medicine, the best hour, the best money I could have spent. And it was there all along.
So I ask you today, in the midst of all of this hustle and bustle, to take some time to refill your cup. To be the person you need to be in order to be present this holiday season. It all starts with you and the decision to do what your heart needs. Come home to us. Be here with us. Refill with us. I promise you with everything I have, it will be worth it.
All my love, happy thoughts, and strength to you all no matter where you may be. Xo,
Happy Wednesday babes! We are back, yep you know it. Time to crush on our favorites gals. Seriously missed these so much because there are SO many amazing women that shine bright, spread love, and make this tribe what it is. Slowly but surely we will get to you all because if I could, I would write about you guys day after day. You’re just that fab. But this mama is special. She’s sweet. She’s kind. She’s a badass and a beauty. I mean does it get any better?? Nope. Not really. She truly embodies what TORQUE is. She has embraced all the beauties and shared her own beauty with us. She is a gem and we are so lucky to call her ours. Missy Weleski is no stranger to our home. She is there day in and day out working on herself and helping us along the way. She is strong, fierce, and a badass in all classes. She knows that in order to get stronger, the best way to do it is together. Basically she is a no brainer to shine a light on and send some love!! Missy, you are amazing. You shine so bright every time you walk into a room. You make this world, this studio, our lives a better place by being in it. Don’t change, not now not ever! If you see Missy today, give her some extra love!!
To learn more about Missy and her love for TORQUE, keep reading! As always, sending all my love and good vibes to you all wherever you may be!
Smooches and squeezes,
Favorite TORQUE memory:
Alicia said something in one of my first classes, and it continues to stay with me; "I am here to challenge you, not defeat you". As I took my first spin, barre and TRX classes there were many times I felt defeated, and wondered how I’d make it through those 45 minutes! It's so important to remember this each and every class, and to push yourself and “DO YOU”!
“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts”
Your definition of TORQUE:
TORQUE is my true happy place; one that I look forward to being at every single day! It’s time for me, and only me. Torque and its amazing instructors remind us that we are so much stronger than we think!! TORQUE has reconnected me with old friends, and given me the opportunity to make many new ones. THANK YOU Summer and the Torque Tribe for being you, and creating this amazing place!!
Favorite workout clothing brand:
Tops-all things TORQUE ?
Bottoms-bootyfull & 90 Degree by Reflex
Favorite post workout snack:
Banana. Plain and simple.
Top 5 -10 songs
*Kygo, Whitney Houston remix-Higher Love
*DJ Snake ft. Biopolar Sunshine-Middle
*Tiesto & Dzeko ft. Preme & Post Malone-Jackie Chan
*Mike Posner-I Took a Pill in Ibiza
*Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B-Girls Like You
Missy’s TORQUE schedule:
Every day, mixing it up with Barre, TRX and Spin!
Happy Thanksgiving my beautiful people! Before the day gets crazy and the food is served, I wanted to take a moment for all of us to just be. To be here now in this moment. To breathe. And to be thankful. Because that is what today is about. Yes it is about the turkey and pie and the friends and family. But it’s also about taking a moment to reflect on all the blessings we have. Something we don’t do enough. So today, right here and right now, take a few moments and just close our eyes. Think about all the amazing blessings in your life.
I’m sure the first couple things that come to mind are your family, your friends, and your four legged friends. How lucky are we that no matter how hard life gets we have not only loved ones, but also this tribe to lean on. I mean how many people can say that? Maybe they can say it, but can they mean it? That I’m not so sure about. But us, this tribe, we can not only say it but we can mean it as well. Because no matter if you have been coming for years or yesterday was your first class, we love you. We support you. We got you. Through any and all things. Something to be grateful for for sure.
So we got family and friends taken care of. What about the things we do everyday. I read somewhere that if you have a roof over your head, food in your fridge, and clothes on your back that you are richer than 75% of the world. Read that again. THE WORLD. I know these things are norms for us. And I know I take them for granted. But seeing first hand what poverty looks like in my students and my travels, has really made me take a step back and realize just how much I have and that I need to be more appreciative of it. Take a second and be thankful for all the things we use everyday.
What about the things we can’t touch. Our health? Our passions? Our education? Our time? These are things we need to be thankful for as well. It might not be the first thing that comes to mind, but without them who knows where we would be. Take some time and be grateful that we not only have these things, but we also have access to them. Schools, hospitals, help. That is something that not everyone can say and thankfully, we can.
Last but not least, be thankful for you. You do a lot. You give a lot. You work a lot. And you need to thank yourself, your body, your heart, and your mind for all the amazing things that you are and produce. Believe me when I say this, I am thankful for each and every one of you. The support. The work you do. The happiness you bring. And the love you share. I know that we all need to hear it so know that we are thankful for YOU and you should be too.
Now, go check the timers. Pour the wine. Laugh and love with those who mean most. Happy Thanksgiving TORQUE tribe, may you know how grateful and blessed we are to walk this life with you.
Good morning tribe! I miss you all so much. What a week it has been!! I seriously feel like I say this every week because well honestly, every week is a week. They are all busy, stressful, long, and all the in betweens. The key to making it through the week is finding the little bits and pieces of calm and soaking them in. Because if we don’t, we know what happens. So make a promise to yourself that you will find the calm and hold on tight, because it is essential to making it through these weeks. But my question to you, what happens when we can’t? What happens when, undeniably, the week gets the best of us? What then? How do we handle it? Where does our mind go?
I can tell you that there will be those weeks. Sometimes months. When it just feels like the world is winning or someone is out there to get you. It is life, it happens, and that is something that we can’t control. But what we can control is how we deal with it. That is something that is 100% in our control. But when you’re in the thick of it, the last thing we are thinking about is what is the BEST way to handle this, we just do what we think is best in that moment. Because we are human and we are impulsive and that is okay. So now the question has changed from how do we handle the hectic week to how do we handle the choices we made during the hectic week. And when does that get handled or thought through…you got it!! During another hectic week. So how do we break this cycle. How do we stop the second guessing, the carrying, the thinking, the worrying. I will tell you, its not easy. If anything it is really hard. But it is not impossible and that is key.
I am no different then the rest of you. I am feeling this right here with you. And one thing comes to mind. A Maren Morris song, The Bones. The lyrics of this song are just too good. “when the bones are good the rest don’t matter.” That line, right there, that is the answer people. Read it again. If the bones are good, the rest don't matter. Notice how deep it goes. All the way to the bones. Listen, I know it seems like these things that come flying around are the end all be all. The interview is defining. Your relationships are who you are. Your education is your reputation. And we spend WEEKS even YEARS of our lives trying to perfect all these other things. But for what? For who? Because listen, if the bones aren't good…the interview will fail. The relationship will be toxic. The education will be useless. Those are just qualities of you. But your bones…they are you. You cant be you without you. So its time to focus on that…time to focus on you.
So how do we strengthen the bones? How do we let go of the senseless things and focus on the important ones. Well, it starts with a promise. It starts with allowing yourself to let go. Of people. Experiences. Mistakes. Wrongdoings. Toxic people. Life begins when we turn on our hearts. So it is time to let go of all of that and turn on love. By doing that, we become strong from within and start to shine out. And suddenly our life is so bright, our love is so strong, that these weeks are life. We can see the joy that is in them and deal with the stress as it comes. When we re-shift our focus on bettering ourselves instead of being weighed down by ourselves, life gets a whole lot lighter. So let’s do that.
The most beautiful thing about this life is we all can connect on one level. We are all human. We all can relate to this on some level. We can turn to each other for advice. We can lean on each other when it gets to heavy. We can cry. We can listen. We can be. That is the answer. That is the secret. That is what we are going to do. Right here and right now. From now on, we worry about making the bones good because guess what…if they are good, the rest doesn't matter.
I'm right here with you. With love and strength,
Friday, FriYAY! Congratulations!! You made it to the end of the week. Just a few short hours until those 2 glorious days!! This week was a lot!! All the running around - from the costumes, the candy, the snacks for the parties, to the last-minute pumpkin carvings - all of it. But what I am learning is that amidst the hustle and bustle the memories are made. I thought that with Halloween behind us and the first holiday of the end-of-the-year marathon out of the way, it was a good time to talk about how we can tackle the holidays this year with open eyes and grateful hearts.
I know it sounds premature to be talking about the holidays, but when I was Target yesterday buying Halloween candy, the next aisle over was Christmas candy. So let’s face it, it’s here. From now until January we are going to be surrounded by constant reminders that the time is coming. The pressure is going to begin. And the stress is definitely going to pile on. That’s why, like all things, I think it is important to set the intention NOW on how we want to face these next few months. This way, we can really be present and make memories that last forever. I know it won’t be easy, but I think like most things, it will be worth it.
Here are some ideas on how to stay on top of things to reduce stress and enhance the holidays:
1. Don’t fill up every weekend. I literally think that from now until the middle of December every weekend is full and it has been this way since the middle of October. I am sure I am not the only one. I’m also sure I'm not the only one who can’t stand this. Slow down. Make family time. Couple time. Pajama time. Couch time. You time. It is so important.
2. Keep it simple. Let’s be honest. We have so much. We need so little. And most of the things we need, can't be bought. Remember that when you're planning and buying that time and conversations are what fills the heart and fuel the soul. Make it an effort to be present instead of giving one. Your heart will be full and the stress of all the wrapping, shopping, and planning will be alleviated.
3. Keep your normal routine!! I cannot stress this enough. We know the holidays are full of eating, drinking, cookies, and pie! Thankfully, it is also sweater weather. BUT to avoid the self-confidence blues, try this year to stay on top of your health. Don’t skip the gym. Don’t cancel the class. Stay healthy during the week and indulge on the weekends!! Keep yourself healthy and your mindset, energy, and desire to partake in holiday activities will increase!!
4. Don’t do it all. Use Amazon. Grocery delivery. Paper plates. Family members and friends. Don’t carry all the weight. Doing it together always makes it feel more festive anyway! So it is a win-win!! This will help you to reduce the amount of stress and enjoy the experience as a whole. Ask for help and don't feel bad. Use paper plates and sit with your family and chat instead of hand washing the china. Don't worry about every little detail, it always works out!!
I know it seems weird talking about this on the first of November, but it is just a hop, skip, and a jump away before we are knee-deep in it. So set the intentions now. Carve out some family and you time. Make a promise to yourself that you're not gonna be a stranger to the gym or the grocery store until January. Make the lists. Schedule the coffee dates. Make sure that when the time comes, you are present. This is how we get there. So it starts today, because before we know it…another holiday season will have come and gone. And we will wish for those moments again. So make a promise to yourself that this year it’s going to be different and I know for a fact…it will.
All my love and stealing the good candy vibes,
Happy Saturday TORQUE fam! This is a little different, saying hello on a weekend…I don't know I kind of like it! Whether you are drinking coffee in jammies, in the car on your way to a sports game (bundle up!!), relaxing post spin, or just enjoying this beautiful Saturday in bed make sure you take a few moments today to give your body and soul the attention and love that it not only needs, but also deserves.
So the other day, I went to a paint class to celebrate my best friends birthday. We got together with our moms, some wine, snacks, and each other and we were going to somehow paint this detailed pumpkin. I was not convinced that I was going to be able to do it. In fact, I was actually nervous and uncomfortable to be in this position. I couldn’t understand why.I mean, it was just a class. No one but me was taking this pumpkin home. And I was with my childhood best friend and my mom…so why all this pressure? I soon realized it was because I might fail. I might not live up to the stereotypical 1st grade teacher who can do all things crafts. I might be judged for my work. The word in there that is so beyond critical is might. Think abut that word and how much weight it holds in my thoughts. I might…meaning there is a chance. Not a definite, not a positive, a chance. So here I am already deciding it is going to be a horrible experience because something MIGHT happen. Looking back now, it seems silly. But in that moment, it was sweaty palms on a paint brush.
So fast forward to the class starting. I was painting, mixing colors, feeling like Picaso himself. I settled into the situation, or maybe the wine stated to kick in, but whatever it was I was doing it. I felt good, more comfortable, and almost I don't know…happy. Until our first break came. Our instructor had said we were going to take a break to let the paint dry a little. So I got up from my pumpkin and walked around to see everyone else’s pumpkin and I immediately took 3 steps back. I started to compare. I started to see everything that was wrong with mine solely by what was right with everyone else’s. I totally sucked the joy out of the experience because I allowed myself to think my pumpkin had too many hues of orange and yellow going on.
It was almost like the universe collided inside this little paint studio because as soon as we sat back down the instructor began to talk. She was saying how the other day she read a quote. It said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. She said that to us and then went into this talk about how our pumpkin is simply that, ours. It will not be the same as the person next to you or even across the room. Not because it is bad or not as detailed or even not as skilled, but simply because it is a piece of you. And that when we start to compare, the joy we received or felt or saw is stolen from us. I literally was like wtf I thought that this was a birthday party and not light off in the spin room. But the world works in mysterious ways and sometime the message you need to hear will find you no matter what.
From that point on, I learned to love my pumpkin for all the things it was. All the things I thought it should be. I wasn't worried about what Beth’s pumpkin looked like or what my moms looked like because that was theirs. That was an extension of them. It would never be an extension of me so why compare? Well, because we are human and that is what we do. But maybe, just maybe we can give our best efforts to stop it and change it.
I tell you this today because joy is what makes life living. I see it every day on my first grader’s faces. It is simply the most warm and fulfilling feeling in the world. And sometimes, without even knowing, we are the catalyst to it being stolen. So, I ask you today to let all the things you are, all the things you do, all the things you produce, all the things you love to be viewed through one lens..you. Don’t let the joy you have for all you have done be stolen by someone else’s extension of them. Be proud of what you can do and feel the joy all throughout. Don't live in the future of what if’s or mights, be here now. Love yourself in all the different hues of life and know that when you feel the joy slipping away to refocus your lens. I promise you, you can do it. Because guess what…I love my little pumpkin. For all that it is and all that it taught me. It might not be ready to go into a gallery, but that's okay because it is a part of me. And for that reason alone it is all it needs to be.
I love you, always and all ways. And so should you.
Hi there TORQUE babes! I hope the week has treated you well. I want this to be a qucik, little reminder that everything is okay. Even if it isn't okay, I promise you it is. Sometimes it is so easy to get ahead of reality and decide that our life is just getting further and further away from that image we have in our heads. I know that when bad days happen they are usually followed by a few more. I'm here to tell you that on your worst days, they are someone’s dream day. I know in the moment it doesn't feel like that, but in reality it is. When you're running late and your coffee spills, remember you have the coffee to begin with. When you buy a new carpet and the dog immediately chews it, remember that you had somewhere to put carpet. Remember when you're sitting in traffic and you are so irritated and annoyed because you're going to be late for work that you have a job to go to everyday. I read the other day that if you have a roof over your head and food in your fridge you are ahead of 90% of the world. Remember that. Don't sweat the small stuff. Because if the coffee spills, there is more. If you're 5 minutes late, the clock still ticks. If the carpet is chewed, it’s still in your home. So remember that on the worst days, where things just aren't going right, that someone out there is wishing their coffee would spill. It’s a good reminder for us to ground ourselves every once in a while. To realize and reflect on just how blessed we are. We are human. We react, and sometimes overreact. And that is okay. But the beauty lies within the ability to become grateful for our problems. That is when appreciation and gratitude is planted and eventually will bloom. That is when we begin to see just how perfectly imperfect this life is. And the secret to all of this, those imperfections, those moments, are what make life beautiful and worth living. So remember today and always that you are blessed and loved. Two of the hardest things to achieve in this life. And we have them both. Let that sit for a second and be grateful.
Go out into the world today and be kind. Spread love. Smile and laugh. Even if the coffee did spill and the traffic sucked. Learn to find the beauty within the struggle and life will become a whole lot clearer. And because traffic and spilled coffee and chewed carpets and stress are dealt better with music, here is a playlist to remind you to simply be humble and kind. I love you.
Always and all ways,
Hi there tribe! Hope all is well. I have been recently thinking about what to write about and wasn't sure which avenue I wanted to take. I have been wanting to write about this topic for a couple of weeks but wasn't sure how to go about it. I kept seeing it posted all over social media and it is something that we all need to hear. So I think I'm finally ready to speak on this. Listen up ladies, because this topic is toxic. If we don't stop it, if we don't change our mindset on this, if we let it keep happening, then we are failing. Failure isn't an option here when we have the ability to avoid it. And this is one of those things that we can 100% avoid. So I ask you this question, since when did her win become your loss? I know. It’s deep, but we have to talk through this one because if we don’t we might continue on this path of taking other peoples victories as our inability to succeed. And that mindset, it isn't good for anyone. So let’s break this down.
Since when? Well, unfortunately, the answer is probably forever. We are human. We compare. We talk others down to build ourselves up. While we don't like to admit this we all know that at one time or another, we have been there. We have been on the beach and compared ourselves to another person. And instead of saying, “wow they look awesome, they must be dedicated to their lifestyle” we think, “I wish I had time to workout all day but I actually work for a living”. Or we see someone with a new car and instead of thinking “good for them” we think “I cant afford something like that because I have children to pay for” or we see a family who is happy and healthy and we take that image and maybe we convince ourselves that they are putting on a facade, that there is no way they are happy, that it is fake. And the problem with all of this besides the fact that it is so mean and unecessary, is no one is winning. No one is happy. And when that happens, when we all reach one emotion as a whole, that is dangerous, toxic and totally not okay.
You see when we impose our negativity on someone else’s positivity, we feel better about ourselves and they now feel negative about themselves. Because maybe the reason she works out and looks good is for her sanity. Maybe it is her church or her therapy. Maybe she makes it a priority. Maybe she drives a nice car because she can’t have children or doesn't want them. Maybe she is career driven. Maybe they really are happy and they really do love each other. Maybe it is all okay for it to be okay. Maybe it isn't for us to decide. You see, when we make their wins our losses, we take that away from them. Slowly and surely it then becomes this shame feeling. Something that someone worked so hard for, something they are so proud of, it is now associated with negativity because of how you perceived it. That is the big bold red flag problem that we MUST change sooner rather than later. Or else, we will all become numb to the joys of life. Wins and losses will become the same thing. And we will all become common enemies. That is the scary truth. So lets make a promise right now that we turn this around. But how?
We start by minding our own business. We don't write peoples stories for them. We don't infer or assume. We celebrate when we need to and we mourn when its time. And all that extra time and energy we have, we work on ourselves. We work on our hearts. We work on what our eyes are seeing. You see, when you have too much time on your hands to think you can think yourself to a permanent state of negativity. So let’s get out of there. Let’s fill our time with working on us. That way we are ready to jump up and down in celebration for others because we have something to celebrate as well. We will start to feel happy about our lives and want to share that happiness with others. And when it’s someone else’s turn we will remember how amazing it felt to be on the other side and to be supported.
So today we do something to work towards that celebration. We chime in and celebrate on others when appropriate and know our turn will come if we keep working. We build up, not break down. We add rather than subtract. We think good instead of bad. We love instead of hate. We take her win and use it as motivation to keep working towards ours. We walk together, hand in hand, in all the seasons of life. And by doing that, we become one badass, confident, loving tribe of women unstoppable against the world, because we have the strongest army behind us…each other.
The time for this must be now. All my love,