Hi there tribe, I hope this finds you well. I started writing this blog and had a totally different topic in mind. But then, Tuesday hit, and it just felt like the topic needed to change because what’s important right now is just facing reality. The reality right now is, life is hard. And it seems to be getting harder. I mean I can’t be the only one who is sitting here thinking how much more can we take?? I think that right about now we are just all at the end of our ropes. This world, it is crazy. This year, record breaking. And here we are bearing the weight of it all. So the question that I am asking myself is...how do we keep going.

I know I am not the only one who some days I just want to throw in the towel. There are just those days where it all falls apart. Nothing goes right. Something else goes wrong. Everyone is screaming. No one is happy. And you sit there in your fear of failure and want to just quit. And guess what...that is okay. There is no how to on life. There is no right or wrong way to react. And sometimes the best thing to do on these days or these moments is to simply let them happen. Let them take up some of our energy. Allow ourselves to feel the feels. Throw a pitty party, drink some wine, eat ice cream, etc. That is OK. But, the key part to these days is to rise with the sun on the following and start new.

So let’s take this week. School board meetings are a nightmare. The pandemic and its guidelines can be frustrating to explain and carry through. Working from home is getting harder and harder as the days go on. Normalcy is a thing of the past. Fear of the virus is still very real. And I’m the midst of all of that...throw in a hurricane and massive flooding in our area. And somehow, just somehow, we are supposed to make sound decisions and have tough conversations and take time for ourselves and make happy summer memories. And sometimes, it is just too hard and we stand there and wonder just how much more can we take. My answer for this is not renown. It’s not anything special. It is something we all can do. Deep breaths. Take a deep breath. Slow and steady. I know that this seems so minuscule in the big picture, but that’s the idea. There is A LOT going on right now. The world is literally insane. And working in that big bubble is stressful. Imagine trying to climb a mountain with just one step. Impossible. So why do we try to face all of this at the same time. We need to take deep breaths. We need to wiggle our toes. We need to find our heart beat. We need to re-center and re-focus ourselves. And we need to take it down to one moment, one breath, and one problem to face at a time.

So with all of this going on and all the unknown that is going on, it is important to try and bring it back to one moment. One breath. One problem on the table to tackle. And then, face the next one. Remember that you are not alone. Cling to those who help you through. Find the sunshine during the days and if you can’t, look to the moon, it shines for a reason. Allow yourself to not be okay and keep on moving forward. It’s not a matter of how fast we are moving, but rather that we don’t stop moving, or trying in this case. Work will return. The kids will graduate. Normalcy will come back. And it will all be okay. Hold onto that and bring it into anything you face. Know that you are loved. Know that you are apart of one of the best communities in the world. And that if you ever need someone, we are here for you. We love you. We are here with you during this unknown time. And that one day, the sun will rise.

All my love and grace,

Caroline

Hi beautiful, it’s me. Your soul speaking. Today is an important day. It’s the one you have been waiting for. And maybe it isn’t just this day, maybe it is a combination of days, weeks, months, moments, or opportunities. But no matter where you fall on the spectrum, you need to stop here in this moment. You need to take it in. You need to remember this moment. The sun is ready to rise in your life. The more important question...will you let it.

You see, the sun is constantly rising and setting. Every single day. Literally, not a day goes by where there isn’t daylight. And it’s the same for the flip side. Not a day goes by where there isn’t some time when the sun is away and darkness sets in. It’s scary though how sometimes we only see ourselves or our life in those dark times. We might see the daylight, or know that it is there, but for whatever reason we don’t allow ourselves to feel the warmth and the love it brings. We remove ourselves from any and all opportunity to feel the good. To accept the good. To be worthy of the good. I know this isn’t easy and I know especially right now there is a lot of unknown and dark times, but every single day the sun rises in your life. And if you embrace it, if you look for it, and if you allow your soul to feel it, soon you see just how bright your life is.

So how do we do this? Well, patience and practice. That’s a good first step. In times of stress and uncertainty it is our human nature to think negatively. We get insecure, nervous, anxious, and stressed. We allow our inner demons to lead us and guide us to what they want us to see, think, and feel. And until we retrain our brain, anything that isn’t clean cut and crystal clear....we won’t see. So we have to start by retraining our brains. We do this by taking in every moment. Analyzing our feelings at different parts of the day. Learning to acknowledge our weak points and our stressors. And once we do that...then we start to think of how that moment, that weakness or anxiety, is a good thing. How are our flaws beautiful? How can we make them shine?? I have been through a lot in the past few years and believe me when I say I can remember a lot of dark times. But I can also remember a conversation with a good TORQUE friend of mine. She said, “ya know the moon gives off light for a reason”. It’s the universe telling us that even in the bad, their is good. And even in the dark, there is light.

Life right now is tough. Point blank. And it has been for months. Some of us have figured it out. Some of us have not. And guess what, both are okay and both will probably change again 5 more times until we have reached the point where our sun is truly shining. But the main point here is each day you wake up with the opportunity to find the good. I can’t tell you how important and life changing it can be in the darkest of times to recognize that it isn’t all bad. Those moments that we recognize as being light, they are the glimmers of hope that we need. And soon, they become brighter and brighter. The more we train our brain to see the good in all things, the more we are able to see the sun rising in our lives.

So no matter where you are in life, know there is light. If you’re heart is beating, there is light. If your home is safe, there is light. If you’re fridge is full, there is light. If you love and are loved, there is light. Don’t allow darkness to steal the light from the things you are surround by daily. Let those things, outshine it all. Be patient. Be positive. And let it happen. Soon, your life will be radiating and so will you.

The sun will rise. It’ll be alright. I promise.

Caroline

Hello TORQUE family, how I miss you so. There really are not the proper words to describe just how all of this feels. I know it is not easy to express or say, but I am confident we all feel it. Whether you have been here from the start or joined us a week before the shutdown, you know the love and life that this studio gives and right now we could all use it. This pandemic is nothing short of an obstacle. Each day we are faced with new things. New challenges to face. New hats to wear. New emotions to sort. It is all still new in a sense even though it has become our normal. I don’t think this will ever fully settle within our souls as normal and sorting out those feelings is just part of the battle. I’ve been reminding myself of one word through all of this. I’ve been praying, hoping, wishing, to whoever you believe it to give me this. Through all of this, we must give ourselves grace, it’s the only way we will carry on. 

So what does that even mean. How do we “give ourselves grace”. Well, the saying in and of itself means to give the kindness and love that you need and deserve. It’s far from easy and is definitely a work in progress, but I think right now it is one of our only choices. But how? How do we do this?? Unfortunately, amazon doesn’t sell this. And target (RIP) is in the same boat. We find grace in forgiveness, patience, and love. Stay with me as I explain. 

Forgiveness. It’s one of the hardest things to do. To let go of feelings. To let go of pain. To let go of frustration. All of it is so hard, but so necessary. When we forgive our significant others, our colleagues, our families, and more importantly ourselves, that is when we feel and find grace. If you miss a workout, forgive yourself. If you are frustrated with a co worker, forgive yourself. If you lash out on the kids, forgive yourself. There is no how to on any of this. But  it important to remember that our frustrations and our anger is not worth our health and happiness. It is not going to steal anymore of this normalcy. When we forgive, we find peace. Something we all need right now. 

Patience. It’s a virtue we practice everyday. Not an easy one, but an essential one. Be patient with yourself. Finding grace is not going to happen over night. It will not work the first time. And it will be a roller coaster of a ride. But patience will get your through. In times of stress and worry...close your eyes, count to 10, then access the situation. Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings. Be patient and let yourself be okay with that. 

Love. The answer to all things. The most essential of them all. Hold those babies tight. Do tik toks with your teenagers. Let them pick the movie because you always get to pick. Cook his/her favorite meal. Send the text. Make the call. Go the extra mile this time. Act with love and your life will shine. Love hard. Love daily. Love strong. Love together. Love apart. Whatever you do, do it with love and your life will be full. If you lay down at night and have a beating heart and a house full of love, you’ve done good for that day. Remember that, today, tomorrow, and always. 

Come on this journey of grace with me. Let’s fill this stressful and uncertain time with forgiveness, patience, and love. And as we do, watch as it blooms into the most beautiful adventure you could have ever embarked on. It will be wholesome. It will be fulfilling. And most importantly, it will be yours. Give yourself some grace today, even if it’s for a second. I promise you it will go a long way. 

All my love to you all no matter where you may be, 

Caroline

Dear Me, 
​
How are we entering the 7th week of this quarantine. 7 weeks of stillness in the world. 7 weeks of homes becoming office spaces and classrooms. 7 weeks of being together, yet apart. 7 weeks of chances and opportunities to become better or rise to the challenge. 7 weeks of at home workouts waiting to be done. 7 weeks of healthy meals to be cooked. 7 weeks of skincare routines and books to read. We have been through all of that and yet, I am looking back and thinking one thing… 7 weeks of me failing at it again. 

I just don't know how we got here. How has it been 7 weeks already. I mean it just seems to be flying by, yet going so slow. It seems like the days are so long, but there is still no time. It seems like the world is figuring out how to endure this and I’m not there yet. I mean I go on Instagram and see everyone and their mother doing these awesome workouts, making these amazing dinners, baking these scrumptious desserts, having zoom happy hours on repeat. I go on Facebook and see the amazingness of the world. Food bank donations, birthday parades, songs being released, and cards being sent to frontline workers. And here I am wondering if I will have the motivation today to to shower and answer one email before I log back on and scroll through again just to feel guilty and sorry for myself. 

I just can’t seem to find the good in this right now. I am wondering if maybe there is just something wrong with me. Why can’t I figure this out. Why can’t I just be like them. I am low on motivation. I am exhausted and annoyed by work. I am frustrated with my child’s teacher. I am scared to go to the store. I am finding every excuse in the book to not take care of myself. I am struggling with this more so than I can say and I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to.
​
Love, Me 
​

Good morning beautiful people! I hope this finds you well. It seems hard to believe that we have been at this now for over a month. It truly is becoming our new normal and I am sure I am not the only one who is feeling weary about it. I know that it is different, but we have two choices…to accept it a deny it. I know that we would have never wanted this or thought in a million years that it would happen, but we are facing it right now. Whether we accept it or not, we have to try to see what blessings come out of it. We have to re-shift our mindset, focus our perspective, and keep breathing in the present moment that we are in. I have always found comfort in the saying that living in the past creates depression and living in the future creates anxiety. So our best option is to live in the present because that creates happiness. Let's try, our very best, to be here now. 


I have been thinking about this a lot and everything. I mean our worlds are completely turned upside down. Schools are closed, businesses are shut down, everyone is home, and suddenly our lives as we knew them are put on pause. Every time I think of this, it seems to lead me back to these two words…”what if”. I know that in the past, these words have been associated with scary and irrational thoughts.  And believe me, you could have negative what if thoughts during this time if you let yourself. But this time, I think they are full of hope and realization.Stay with me as I explain. 


What if this is the best thing that has ever happened to us? What if this was the reset we all needed? What if we come out of this stronger as individuals and families? What if this allows us to really know what is important in life and what isn’t? The positive what if’s are endless when we allow ourselves to think of them. I know that in all of this it is hard to imagine how this could be good, but I think we are already starting to see it. Families are spending more time together. Creating bonds and memories that will truly last a life time. People are getting outside. Running on trails, riding bikes, playing in the driveway with chalk, exploring and making up games as they go. We are cooking more! Trying new recipes, breaking out old ones, sitting around the tables and enjoying meals together. Exercising is becoming a daily activity. Whether you are walking around the neighborhood or squatting with a case of water, we are getting our bodies moving. We have stopped comparing and judging. Pajamas all day? Fantastic! Wine at 2 pm..well I was there the other day so go for it! Date night in? I'm stealing that idea. We are letting go of other peoples opinions because we simply just don't have the time or headspace to care.  I think though, my favorite thing about all of this so far, is that things are being brought back to love. Birthdays and holidays are currently not about what, they are about who. No one can run to a store and get a present and maybe a homemade cake is the best you could do. But it hasn't seemed to matter because the love and sheer excitement of just seeing people, six feet away, surpasses all of that. Our hearts are shifting away from all the what’s and where’s of life and are now set on the who’s and why’s. That to me is worth all of this. The refocus our hearts are going through is enough for me to realize that while this is scary, different, and very much so life-threatening, the way it is changing us is, in-fact, life saving. 

So let’s take this time to think of all the ways this has changed us in a positive way. What ways has this opened your heart or focused your eyes on what is most important. How have we let go of what has weighed us down and stopped caring of what others think? How have we been there for our friends, even though we physically can’t be? How are we changing for the good? All of these thoughts will allow you to see how this, single handenly, might be a blessing in the strangest of disguises. What we need, what we pray for, what we think will make life better, sometimes is delivered in a way we never thought it would be. And while it might not make sense in the moment, when we stop and think about it, it might just become crystal clear. 
Hang in there tribe! Keep your head up, your hearts strong, and your hands clean. Enjoy this time with your families, your lovers, your four legged friends! Find the good and hold it tight. And take some time to think of the positive what if’s this could bring. We miss you, we love you, we are here for you. Remember that always because the thing that is holding us together is love, and it has been for a very long time. That’s all for now. Breathe and keep calm. 


Infinite x’s and o’s, 


Caroline

I hope that in the midst of all this chaos, stress, and uncertainty that this message finds you and brings you a sense of peace. I am writing to you to tell you that in the end, everything will be okay and if it’s not okay, well then it’s not the end. What is important at this very moment is that you are here. You are breathing. And you are going to walk away from this post with a better mindset on this than you did when you started reading. I am here to validate your fears and anxieties towards this situation, because quite frankly they are real. They are present. And they are scary. I am also here though to be the sunshine on a cloudy day. To offer perspective and solutions. In every single thing, there is some type of good. This blog is going to be the place that we go searching for the good in the middle of all of these troubles. So the question still stands…how do we walk on. Well, this is how. 

I can only imagine all the thoughts going through each and every ones heads. While we can connect on this to some degree, this experience is different for us all. Whether it be a matter of money, childcare, or being exposed, and working…it is nothing short of scary and stressful. It is times like these where the most essential thing that we do is come together. We cannot allow the stress or the anxiety of this situation to further isolate ourselves from the ones we trust, love, and care about the most any more than it already has. I know that this is not easy, but it is step one. Step two is not too far behind. We have to come to terms that this is the new reality. We have to accept and follow the precautions. Don't take the invincible approach on this one. My feelings are you might lose. Accept that this is happening and let’s work together to find solutions on how to get through. 

For those of you with kids at home, I can honestly say, I know what it is like. While I do not have children of my own, I have a lucky 18 that I get to call my own from 8-4 each day. Now that they are home, and most likely without formal plans yet from schools, this is my advice. 
1. Acknowledge that this is scary for them. They are dealing with this in their own way. They know that it is different and that something is wrong. Unfortunately, they don't have the mindset to sort all of this on their own. They will need your help to reduce their stress and anxiety on this. It is important to not project your fears onto them, but rather allow them to talk openly about how this situation makes them feel. 
2. Make a schedule. Don’t let this become a free for all. The more rigid this time can be, the better off! 
3. Remember they are listening. Be cautious and aware of what you say, the tone you say it in, and the amount that you are talking about this topic. Don't let this consume you any more that you need to. When we live in the future of what if, we have allowed ourselves to become anxious beings. Take this day by day, update by update, breath by breath. 
4. Implement some type of quiet time. Whether it be an hour or a half hour, some designated time where they can be alone and you can as well will allow for this time to be more bearable. I think all parties will benefit from this as it is exhausting on all ends. 
5. Teach them life skills. Speaking as a 1st grade teacher, those little bodies are capable of more than you think. This is a great time to teach them about laundry, dishes, cleaning, packing lunches, etc. Make this a part of their day. It not only gives them something to do, but helps you out as well. 
6. Wine. Self explanatory. No shame. Happy hour is any hour at this point. 

For those of you stuck at home: 
1. Prioritize self care. Take this time to deepen an understating of yourself. There are very few times when life almost comes to a complete stop. This is one of them. Start each day with something to make you feel good. Whether it is making your bed, drinking water, having your coffee outside, doing a workout. Do something to jumpstart the day. There is a lot of times on your hands and that is overwhelming. Start your day by doing something, I promise you won’t regret it. 
2. Do the TORQUE workouts that are being posted on the social media pages. With most gyms closed, this is not the time to do nothing. In addition to the TORQUE social media pages, there is Youtube, apps, Pinterest which are all great resources for some easy, simple at home workouts. You might find it hard to self motivate. The great thing is, everyone is in it together. Get a group together and do some workouts at the same time. Encourage each other the best you can from miles away. 
3. Get dressed! Yep, I know, the sweats are comfy. Being productive in slippers and a sweatshirt is HARD. Put on some jeans, do your hair, and you’ll be that much more motivated to work. 
4. Drink water, and more water, and more water. With the lack of exercise and possibly the lack of fresh produce available, keeping up on your water intake is CRUCIAL people. Especially since bathroom breaks are endless and about 5 feet away, there really is no excuse! 
5. Allow yourself to relax a little. Read some books, watch some new shows, take a bath, sleep in. Letting yourself relax is not a crime, especially in the middle of all this chaos. Being happy you have some time off is not a sin. So soak it up as a positive and move right along. 
6. FaceTime, Skype, etc with your coworkers. They are lonely too. Plan a virtual lunch date, call them on the phone, don’t isolate anymore than you have too. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Let them know you are missing them, because they are missing you too. 
7. Check things off the to do list. Clean out the basement, organize the hallway closet, sort through old clothes, purge, purge purge!! The time is now!! 

Will any of this be easy? Probably not. It’s not our normal. It’s out of our comfort zone. And to top it off, it’s paired with anxiety. It’s a pretty terrible recipe we have at the moment, but it’s all about perspective. Take this time to find the light. Take advantage of this extra time with your kids. They will remember this time of their life for their whole life. Make it a good memory. Have breakfast for dinner. Let them laugh and giggle. Have dance parties in the kitchen at 1 pm because you can. You will look back on this years from now and wish you could all be stuck together for just one day. The time is now to make those memories to one day look back on. Don’t let the virus steal that from you. And most importantly, breathe. It will be okay. It will end. And we will be stronger becuase of it not because we made it through, but because we did it together. And you all know that is my most favorite place to be. 

That’s all I have for you right now. You can do this my loves!! As always, sending love to you and yours no matter where you are in this world. Keep calm and wash your hands.
In health with peace,
Caroline