To whoever is reading this, hi. I know that scrolling through, seeing this title, deciding to click on it, and get to this space might not have been easy. You may have thought about whether you should open this or not. Maybe you aren’t sure if you’re struggling, but it seemed compelling. Maybe you are struggling, this seemed scary, and you clicked on it anyway. Whatever the reason is. Whatever the feelings were, it doesn’t matter because you are here. And for that alone I am proud of you. I am hopeful that this blog, this post specifically, can help you to see that you matter and you are certainly not alone. I hope you can find comfort in the idea that people in your community, so many of them, also clicked on this, because somehow, someway it resonated with them. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And know you are here in this space, with more people than you know. Find peace in the fact that we are all struggling to some extent, and let these words find a place in your soul and your heart.

Struggle. So how does one even define it. We could say it is something that is hard, but then we get to another dead end. How do we define what is hard? Is there a way to define it? Is there a way to measure it? Is what’s hard for me hard for you? The simple answer and only answer is, no. There is no way to compare, measure, or define what hard is. There is no way to do the same thing with the word struggle. And to take it one step further, there is no way to do all of that for the word pain either. Because that’s the cycle right? Something is hard or stressful and stays that way until it becomes a struggle, something that is consistently hard. And then the struggle parks itself in our lives for a period of time and it starts to cause pain, something that wears on us overtime. We start to lose pieces of ourselves in the struggle and through the pain. We start to notice we aren’t as happy. We aren’t as connected. We aren’t as “us”. I say this, because I’ve know it. I’ve lived it and truth be told, a lot of you have too. So what do we do?

Well the first thing we do is we don’t compare. No way no how can we compare our hard, our struggles, or our pain to anyone else’s. Because the reality is these things all have caused us to feel bad about ourselves, make life’s daily tasks more challenging, and caused us to carry stress and grief around for whatever reason. Those things, those impacts, cannot be measured. You can’t one up someone on having low self esteem. It’s like trying to convince someone who has a 42% as their grade as failing more then someone who has a 55%. Bottom line at the end of the day you’re both failing. Is one slightly better than the other? Maybe? But who’s to say? So know in this space your hard and struggle and pain are seen as what they do to you, not what they do for the rest of the world or what they mean to the rest of the world.

The second thing we do is we cry. Yup. That’s right. We feel the feels. We let it happen. Because the only way to move forward is to accept that we are here in this space. So maybe you put on a song that turns you to a puddle. Maybe you don’t even need the song, maybe you just let yourself finally feel it and let it go. Whatever it is do it. But here’s the catch. Only for 5 minutes. Yep, set the timer. Feel the feels. Let it out. Then blow your nose, fix your mascara, and show yourself that you can have feelings and still face the world. When we have too much time to be sad or too much time to dwell on the sad, then we start to get comfortable with those feelings. And they start to feel like the only thing we know. Let yourself feel them, but not for too long.

Another thing we can do is we can come clean. I know that a lot of the times we keep these things to ourselves. It’s hard to admit to someone else that we don’t have it together. I know I struggle with this the most. I want to appear put together. I want to be seen as all good. But the reality is we all know deep down that’s true. In every house there is a junk drawer. In every house there are missing socks. In every office there are unread emails. In every where we go there is something that isn’t fully perfect. Listen when I say this, in every person there is a piece of there heart that hurts. Read that again. It’s okay to be the junk drawer or the lonely sock. Everyone has their turn. The important thing is to have the mindset that talking to someone about your struggles isn’t you complaining. When you talk to someone about the things that keep you up at night or land you on the shower floor crying, that conversation is a gift. You trust that person with your biggest insecurities. You are showing them your vulnerability and laying it all out for them. You chose them for a reason. Have that mindset in your head the next time you talk to someone about things like this. Maybe even say “hey, I’m coming to you because I know you will listen with love and respond with grace.” Showing them that you value your friendship, silents that pesky voice in your head that you are a burden. Because you aren’t and never will be.

Finally, we lay our head down at night knowing we did the best we could that day. Even if keeping your heart beating throughout the day was the best you could do, you did it. Find victories. Start small. Count them. Say them. Recognize them. When you start to realize just how many things you do each day that contribute positively to your life, you realize that sometimes the good DOES outweigh the bad. You gain a perspective of yourself you didn’t know was there. And once you have that, the past truly becomes the past because the future just holds so much more and you have decided how you will see it. So much power comes with the realization that you chose your reality.

So when we find ourself in a struggle and we feel that pain, remember we are in control. We CAN do things to make it better. We have that power. We have THAT control. We cannot control what has happened, what will happened, how we reacted or responded, but we can control what we do from this point on. Don’t compare. Let yourself feel. Confide in someone. And lay down each night knowing that the smallest victory is still a win. It’s another day of not letting the struggles totally define you. It’s the hope you need to make it to the next day. Sometimes, hope is all you need. The believe that it will get better, not by something magical out there. By something magical right here. You.

That is all. Be kind to everyone you encounter for they could have read this blog just like you. And maybe, we are more alike then we know. Hold on, pain (always) ends.

Xoxo, C

Good morning TORQUE tribe! So I know it has been a while, but I think there is beauty in being real. Life happens. Things get busy. And sometimes writer’s block is a real thing. No matter how many times you fall down, mess up, break a promise, push a deadline, whatever it may be it is okay. It is the human in you. We all have done it and that is okay. As long as we make sure it gets done. So here it is getting done. I always feel like when I sit down to write or finish these blogs it’s always after a good spell of committing time to me and letting that cycle become a habit. The transformation that happens in just a short bit of time of saying yes to yourself is truly amazing. You suddenly have more time. Not more hours in a day, but more clarity of how to spend your time. Less stress about what you need to be doing because you’re already doing it. You have more energy. You sleep better. You feel better. You wear yourself better because you know deep down you are doing what you need to be doing. You can lay your head down at night and let those voices in your head tell you a bed time story to put you to sleep instead of fill your head with disappointment and guilt of what you didn’t accomplish in the day. Saying yes to you brings your so much perspective on what is important and why it is important. I had this idea in my head for a blog since maybe the beginning of September. But every time I sat down to write it, it was blank. I wanted to write about it, but no words came to my head. I now know it is because I had to change my perspective to the idea first to then be able to write about it. I had to walk the walk to be able to talk the talk. So this idea. What was it? It was the idea of shifting my perspective of getting to do things instead of having to do them. Once I did that consistently, the words started to feel easier to get down on paper. So here we go.

When I think of the word get, i think reward. Kids get dessert. We get paid. We get presents. Families get to go on vacations. When I think of the word have, I think responsibility. We have to pay our bills. We have to go to school. We have to clean the house. We have to drive to a tournament. My personal favorite, I have to workout. Think about it. When we use the word get, it is usually a positive event that is associated with it. When we use the word have, it screams negativity. Why is that? To be honest…I don’t know. But what I do know is the power of changing I have to to I get to. Think about how simple switching a word in a sentence is. Then, think about the new sentence you created and the meaning. Let’s use I have to pay the bills. Bills suck right? No one actually wants to pay them. But bills represent all the things we work for. If we have to pay them, we usually write it off and don’t think of what it actually means. If I said I get to pay bills, it associates the idea that paying them is something positive. Which it is if you really think about it. Bills represent money able to be spent on various things. Whether it be a phone bill, an electric bill, a water bill, your mortgage, etc. it shows that you not only live a life where all of these things are present, but also that you have a job that is able to support those things. Don’t let your hard work, years of training and schooling, dedication, and long hours become belittled by making it a chore to do it. I know celebrating writing a check or auto paying seems silly…but does it? It’s an opportunity to feel proud that you can support yourself and that your hard work means something. Let’s take I have to work out as an example. Because that is one I feel all of us can relate too. Yes, we have to workout. For our health, to lose weight, to maintain weight, to burn off the wine. All the things. We do have to do it. But, we also get to. There are people in this world who don’t get to go to a beautiful studio like we do. There are people in this world who cannot physically move their bodies to be able to workout… we do. When you think of it like that, it really does change from a have to a get scenario. Think about it, have you ever heard someone say, “we have to go on vacation”. Probably not because vacations are fun. But vacations cost money…just like paying bills. Vacations take time away from daily things/priorities….just like working out. But the difference is we have socially accepted and made it know that vacations are a good thing. Let’s make all the things we do in life, the things we have the ability to do, the things we have the financial power to do, good things. Because they are and they are something we should be proud of.

I know this sounds somewhat silly, but believe me it works. If you just shift that perspective a tiny bit and think of a world where you truly couldn’t do the things you think you have to do and think of what life would be like workout them, it makes them a luxury and something you want to do and are beyond proud and grateful you get to do. Try it next time you pay a bill or go to the gym. Imagine your life without electricity. Think of people who have that life. Think of how much they would want that life. Say a thought of thanks to the universe and yourself. And suddenly that task is full of gratitude. Before you workout think of someone who can’t right now. Do it for them. Thank your body for helping you through it. And celebrate you ability to do so. Life becomes so much brighter, so much sweeter, and so much more full when we celebrate every part of it. Even the parts we “have” to do.

All my love,

Caroline
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Hi TORQUE fam! So like every blog, I wait for the message or the meaning to come to me. Forcing something onto paper and pencil always feels like rambling. I like to let the ideas come into my head as the experiences and life goes into my heart. That connection between what the heart is feeling and the head is thinking is usually what comes out to be these blogs. So this week I went back to the studio. It’s summer and this summer is like two summers combined into one. Everyone is making up for last year. Cancelled trips, new trips, saying yes to things because we can, loving and living our best lives. And there is nothing wrong with that. But living our best lives, has this trend of taking us out of our normal lives. So, like some of you, my feet haven’t physically been here. And that is okay. We have to go out and do the things now while we can to make memories to look back on for when we can’t. But anyway, I made my way back to the studio like I always do. Whether it was as soon as I could or when life allowed, I signed up, walked in, and was home again.

As I was in the spin room and sweating through the class (literal sweat from the eyeballs) it happened. That heart and head connection was starting to brew. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I soon became lost in the music, the motions just sort of happened or they didn’t but I don’t really seem to care because I am in such a reflective state that I might have been pushing up when others were crunching and that’s okay. I was lost and rewinding time and fast forwarding and rewinding. The bike that goes no where was taking me everywhere. In my life, I have been so blessed to have my feet touch many places of this earth. They have seen Europe, they have walked next to elephants in Africa, they slid through mud in the Andes mountains, they have been crystal clear in the waters of the Caribbean, and most recently they stood on the most unique place I have ever seen, Hawaii. There have been many places. Not just the big ones. We’ve been in front porches to grandmas house, tops of the steps on Christmas morning, hallways of schools, turf on soccer fields, wherever they have been, it’s left a mark on my heart. And as I was spinning and lost in all of it I could see and feel some of these places and some of these situations where my feet had been. Were they always happy? No. Were they situations I wish my feet walked me out of? Sometimes. But did they mean something? Absolutely. But they were all magnificent and meaningful in their own way.



While all these places are meaningful and magnificent in their own way and I am beyond blessed to have been able to see them and experience them, truly the one place that has made most of an impact and really felt like my most greatest adventure was here. This studio. This community. TORQUE. I know that sounds dramatic when you compare it to say elephants in Africa or volcanos and turtles in Hawaii…but if you know…you know. And if you don’t, keep coming back and you soon will know. Setting my feet in this studio did more for me then I can ever express. It’s a spiritual, emotional, physical vacation that we get to go on whenever we want. You close your eyes, get lost in the music, and you become better. I can remember having these exact moments in all the magnificent places. The ones where you are in awe of the beauty of the world. The ones where you can’t believe it’s a real place. The ones where you are so thankful for this life you were given. It is a true gift and a true act of creativity and something special that those moments, those magnificent ones that people travel around the world to see and feel, happen right here in this studio.

Sometimes, it’s not so much about the beauty of the world, but rather the beauty of ourselves. When we grow through life here, we see the beauty and strength that WE have. We see the wonder in awe of what WE have been through. We see just how far we have come and just how far we have to go. It truly is a journey that I hope all you can go on. Whether it is building self esteem in yourself, dealing with a traumatic experience, or taking time for you in this crazy world, this studio is one that should be noted as an important place in all our lives. I am thankful everyday for the work that has been done here. For the instructors and the community that I am surrounded by. And for the ability to have these moments and thoughts a few times a week. It truly is something so special there just isn’t the word for it.

So whether you have been here since the beginning (shout out OGs) or today you walked in for the first time, know that the beauty and adventure and awe we spend thousands to see and travel miles to find, can be found within yourself. It’s a different kind of experience. But it makes all the other experiences that much more special because you’re seeing them and expecting them through eyes that love, a heart that sing, and a soul that beats for you. Stay true. Keep with it. And wherever you go, be where your feet are and make the most of your time there. Trust me, it is worth it.

All the love and adventure to you all,

Caroline

Hi my babes! How are YOU?! We have officially left winter behind and spring has sprung! As we approach the summer time and all that it holds I know we are all putting pressure on ourselves. I mean bathing suits, shorts, dresses, all the things and all the seasons and occasions are approaching. And this idea of losing comes into our head. Right? We have to lose weight. We have to lose or cut out food. We have to lose sleep to workout. Lose delight and joy in ice cream. Lose lose lose. All this losing puts and surrounds us with negativity. We are anxious and worried about being perfect for this thing or that vacation. And in that we lose a lot more then maybe a pound or two. We lose time. We lose confidence. We lose pieces of ourselves and our lives. So instead of losing things that are short term, why don’t we take this time to think about the thing we can lose that will stay off forever. Because you know weight fluctuates as it should. Diets change. Priorities can shift. But I think the sustainable loss we can try to achieve is the weight of other people’s opinions. That’s a loss I am okay with and a loss that will lift weight and pressure off us and raise self esteem and confidence.

Do you ever look at people who just shine. And this I want whatever they have or whatever they are taking?! Anyone else do that? I know I do. What makes them shine is the comfort and contentment they have within themselves. They take a big pill of who cares in the morning and wash it down with a glass of I’m living my life the way I want and top it off with an eff you to people who have the time or the energy to judge. And you know what? They have it figured out. Because chasing perfection, chasing change, putting pressure on the now for the someday, that is joy sucking and damaging. It’s exhausting. It’s taxing! And it’s so self demeaning. I know it because I have done it. I think we all have. We worry about what everyone else thinks about our outfit or how we look. We worry about the rolls that form when we sit on the edge of the pool or the way we order at a restaurant. As if anyone truly cares? I mean really? Think about it...do they care? The answer is no. But they will know if you care. And them knowing you’re insecure is what you’re worried about. Right? You sit there worried what they will think. What they will say. What they will whisper. But if you didn’t even give them a chance or a peace of mind to care...1) you have let go of the weight of their opinion and wear your confidence and shine 2) you don’t care what they think because you’re living your best life.

Everyday you have a choice. You can love the skin you’re in and live life or you an let the skin you are in determine how you feel about a situation. Wear the bikini. Get in the picture. Order and eat the burger and fries. I’m not saying to throw all your healthy habits out the window, but THIS IS A HEALTHY HABBIT. believing in yourself. Saying yes to yourself. Saying eff you to other peoples opinion on your happiness, that is the definition of health!! It’s time to stop worrying and carrying the weight of what people think of you. Letting go of that will open a whole new understanding to who you are and how you see your life. Because at the end of the day, that’s what this is. It’s your life. Your memories. Your photos. Your time. Your money. Your energy. Spend and use it how it best suits you and best serves you. Don’t be a puppet to someone else’s life. Because guess what...they don’t care and if they do...the chances are they need to do the same thing.

So today, let it go. Take that weight off your shoulders. Say I am enough. Say I am beautiful. Stop putting pressure to lose and lose. Lose the weight of this and anything else that happens to you is a bonus. Because when you mentally love yourself and your life...some how good things and good changes start to happen. And one day you wake up living your best life with a lifetime of memories that you lived and loved every second of. Close your eyes. Imagine what that looks like. Put your big girl pants on, look in the mirror, and make a promise to let go of their opinions and say yes to whatever makes your heart beat, your eyes shine, and your soul sing.

All my love,

Caroline

Hi beautiful humans, how are you?! I always love the time we get to share together and the realizations that come to fruition with these blog posts. They truly are a gift to me, like all of you. Guiding and loving us through life with good vibes and positivity on the forefront. As we enter into this season of spring and life starts to begin again, bloom again, come to life again, what a beautiful reminder and message the universe has sent us that we too can partake in that. We can rise. We can grow. We can bloom. With love and consistency and a promise each day, we too can become our most beautiful beings. I mean no rain, no flowers right? But I think the key here is something we all struggle to do. We all struggle to continue to do. That idea of saying yes. And not the saying yes to the fundraiser or the bake sale or the email or the dishes. We somehow find a way to say yes to all of those things, even though we don’t want to. But saying yes to ourselves? Something that we need. Something that we so want. Something that maybe we say no to because we are afraid of what yes means? I don’t know and I’m not here to judge or make you feel anything but capable. But imagine a world where we soaked up the rain and the sunshine just like flowers and we let ourselves grow. It’s the idea of letting it happen and allowing it to transform us that I know I get stuck on. So how do we say not only say yes, but also let that yes do it’s magic? I don’t know for sure, but this is what I got.

So to me saying yes is the easiest step. It’s the quick spit back response. It’s the end of the conversation. It’s the buying more time before the work starts. I mean someone asks you something and all you have to do is say yes. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. It’s what happens after the yes that gets hard. It’s literally all the other steps of the yes. So let’s say you decide to start going to spin. You know you need that time. You know you need to move your body, cleanse your soul, and let your heart feel. Saying yes to that, signing up for the class, it’s literally a few clicks and your in. But getting there...I mean the infectious smiles of people and the love of that studio alone is motivation. But it’s taking time away from work or family. It’s leaving something “more important” (so we think). It’s changing clothes, which I know sounds silly, but sometimes it’s a step ya know?? Like you just have to put the clothes on. It’s driving. It’s setting intentions. It’s doing something that maybe you know you can’t do perfectly. It’s work. But remember, saying yes was the easiest part. So it’s not really the yes, it’s what happens after. And what happens after makes it self out to be all these minor inconveniences that we try to talk ourselves out of. But what we really want to walk away from is what happens.

You see, the work that actually goes into saying yes is wearing a mask. The mask is the struggle to get there. The figuring out the schedule. The not having enough time. We say that is what causes us to not do something. To not follow through. Because we really are just trying to shy away from what happens when we do say yes AND follow through. And that little thing that happens, that pesky thing, is change. The reason saying yes is easy but following through is hard is because on the other side of yes is the walk to change. The bridge you have to walk and cross to get to the growth. And it’s not always fun or the most thrilling of walks. When we get to this point, we see everything we need to work on. All our insecurities. All the shit we deal with on the daily. All the struggles, pain, heavy things that weigh us down. So of course we want to turn around and use the inconveniences as an excuse. It easier then dealing with all of that right? But what happens if we take a step on that bridge of change? Well, that’s when the sunlight and the water start growing the flower. Aka you.

You see, when you’re faced with something that is real you kind of have to deal with it. No matter how hard you try not to, it will keep showing up and dealing with it is just part of life. When you deal with one thing, you grow a little. You take another step. When you start to grow through things, you start to live. When you begin to live in the midst of all of your insecurities and struggles, that is called living with love. Because even though you are surrounded by so much pain and so many things that need to be fixed, you still chose to live and put your best foot forward for not only those in your life, but you. That is called love. When you start loving, you start shining. You start glowing. You start setting the light for others to live a life of love. And when that happens, you grow even more.

So saying yes? Keep doing it. But this time, go all in. Say yes to the pain. Say yes to the insecurities. Say yes to the mistakes you have made. The shame you have felt. Because if you can say yes to you in your most realest and rawest forms, then you have learned to love your true self. You have let yourself accept who you are. You let in the sunshine and the rain and you my beautiful friend have started to grow.

With all my love, sunshine, and rain,

Caroline

Hi there TORQUE tribe, Happy Friday! I know that sometimes it feels like these blogs come and go, but honestly I love how they are spaced out. I always feel so excited to sit down and write a blog when I know it has been a couple weeks. There is just so much more to say with time and so much more energy in one post. Less can be more and these blogs have shown me that. I don't know about you, but I know that this snow has me in a little bit of an anxious state. I’m anxious for spring. I’m anxious about what school will look like these days. I’m anxious about it ever ending. It is just one of those things that is great the first time it happens, but now it seems as if it is an inconvenience and just another thing making 2020-21 a mess. I am trying so hard to focus on the good that 2020-21 has brought us. Virtual school means no make up days when the weather is beautiful. The studio being closed just means time to explore the online classes. Not feeling like cooking is a great opportunity to support a local business. I try, on these days, to look towards what is bright and light, instead of what we see outside, cold and dreary. Believe me tribe, warmer and brighter days are coming. In the meantime, we have to stay close and dear to the hearts in our lives who time after time, carry us home. It is a weird world.


I want you to close your eyes right now and think about the people in your life. The ones who get you when you don't get yourself. The ones you can call for literally anything. The ones who speak volumes in silence because their presence is louder than any words. The ones who love you through all the stages of life. The ones who got you here to this point. The ones who carry you home. Think of them right now. I am sure you can see their face, hear their voice, recall a memory or time they were there for you. These people were not ones that just happened to show up. Maybe it appears that way. Maybe you met on a whim. Maybe they were a result of something no longer good or present in your life. Maybe they were there all along. Whatever the case may be or the story on how they came into your life, the common theme is they not only came into your life, they are still here in your life. Again, not on a whim but rather, a reason. Yes, these people, the ones you can see so clearly and pinpoint so quickly, they are here for a reason. Maybe you knew that already, maybe you are questioning what that reason is. My advice to you is to hold them tight. Nurture your friendship. Be the same person to them as they are to you. Love hard and don't let them go. The reason is, its a big world out there. It is a scary world out there. It can be a harsh world out there. But when you can face it knowing someone has your back, it can seem a little less intimidating.

I say this not because I feel that anyone here is a bad friend. And believe me we have all been a bad friend before. There are probably people that came to mind before that you have lost touch with. People you did wrong. People you wish were in your life but unfortunately they are not. That is okay. Life is a series of events that help us to grow into our best self. It is okay to have not been okay to be a good friend to some people on your way to this place now. Every relationship, every event, every encounter adds to who you are. Without mistakes and without living through these feelings, we wouldn't know how to be a good friend. Forgive yourself for doing wrong and send them a good wish or positive energy within your heart and know that forgiveness starts within yourself and is felt when you accept it in your bones.

The reason I say this is because we have been through ALOT. We are still going through ALOT. And it is important to really recognize the people who have helped you get here. The hearts who keep carry you back to brightness and lights. I can think of so many times during this pandemic where I wanted to just be done. Right? I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to stop following the guidelines. I wanted to break the rules. I wanted to just do nothing because it was so terrible. But then I think of those times and how they gave me the opportunity to grow deeper with some people in my life. They gave me revelations on who was with me and who loved me. They gave me a reason to feel the feels and let people in. And the people who were on the other side of the phone, and then eventually the driveway, and eventually a table during this pandemic, are the people who are so deep and rooted within my heart. It may have taken a pandemic to really realize this, but I bet you can say the same about some of those people in your life. Tough times make life clear. That is a blessing in and of itself.

I ask that you take time to think about the people who pick you up and carry you on your shoulders. Tell them you love them. Friendships are so essential in life. Family is one thing, but friends are a different ballgame. Sometimes the relationship is so different, yet so the same that our friends truly become our family. Give yourself grace for the ones you couldn't love at the time. And let your heart guide you and those you love to things that are bright and good. I know it knows the way always, even if it makes some turns or hits some bumps. It eventually, gets itself back on track. Maybe with a little help from a friend who carried you home.

I love you TORQUE Tribe. I miss you in my bones. I’ll see you soon, but until then, know I'm thinking of you and holding you near and dear to my heart. XOXO.

Caroline

Good Morning Tribe! I hope that this reaches you well. As I sit here writing this with my coffee watching the rain fall, I can’t help but think of how close we are to being back together. In just a few days, the doors open, the lights go on, the classes are full, the music is up, and for those 45 minute increments of us taking a class, all is well in the world. We are close people!! It is going to happen and when it does, it will be something special. Hold onto that hope and know, we will be together again very soon. I have been holding off writing a blog for the past couple weeks. Not only was it a busy time with the holidays and the general stress of virtual teaching, but I wanted to save this blog for this moment. New Years Eve. Of 2020. It seems like today is mile 25 in this marathon of a year we are running. Which, it very well is. We are so close. But, we have to be careful with how we think about what tomorrow means.

This year. How do we even talk about it? I mean I don't think any one person could have seen this coming. In one day, our lives were turned upside down outside of our control. Our homes suddenly became our workplaces, schools, gyms, date nights, music lessons, sports practices, and so much more. We had to figure it out. Make it work. I remember thinking, how am I going to teach, live, work out, and not escape my 800 square foot apartment. I am sure so many of you had similar thoughts and just were unsure of how this would work. It was unexpected. It was unfair. It was frustrating. But, it was our life. We had to figure it out because time kept going. The world didn’t stop. Emails still came, school still happened, meals were still needed. We figured out how to do life in a way we never had to before. We may not have been willing at every moment, but we were flexible and got it done. That is an accomplishment in and of it self for 2020. Being flexible and rising to the challenge. Give yourself a minute right now to find some grace in just how far you have come.

If you are like me, or really like any normal human, I am sure you have been waiting for today for a while. We have found ourselves saying “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over”. I know I have said that hundreds of times. Because truly, I can’t. But as the days approached and the status of the world somewhat remained the same, I realized the toxic power of putting my happiness on a timeline. I know so many of us are hoping and praying, and have been for months, that January 1st 2021 will be the start to a new year. It will be the answer to our last nine months of prayers. It will be…better. But I sit here today asking myself, how? How can the sun set and then rise again and everything has suddenly changed? The answer is it can’t and it won’t unless we take control of the day, seize it, and make it into to something good. A day is 24 hours that will happen regardless of what you do. It is up to you to make those 24 hours worth it. Think about it. Some days people run marathons on the days you are binging Netflix. Tomorrow, we need to wake up ready to train for the marathon, because the race is not over.

Destinations, goals, timelines, are all great. They help us keep on track. They give us something to work towards. They give up hope and courage to keep going. That is good and that is healthy. Using a vacation to motivate you to get in shape. Using a timeline to find success in your career. Setting a goal to achieve certain things. These are all healthy ways of thinking. Where we run into problems is when the date we are working towards is when happiness and relief will come. A date is just a date on a calendar. Kind of like the saying a gun on a table will stay there and harm no one until someone picks it up, the same thing happens here. I want you to go into 2021 with the mindset that this year is a year you get to live in. It is a gift. It is time to make things right. To work through things. To achieve your dreams. 2021 is not happiness in and of itself. You are. You are the happiness you are looking for. It is in you, it has always been in you. maybe this year, you couldn't find it. Maybe you were tired to the bone, stressed, exhausted, angry or scared. That is okay. We still have time.

So take 2021 as the opportunity to live in the ways we can. Take it as the chance to not let time steal anymore of your happiness. Don't put a date on when things will get better, just be better each day and it will come. Remember, happiness come from within not on a shelf. The only place you can find it is within yourself. Go into 2021 with hope for a better world, strength from what we have been through, flexibility and positivity from 2020, and maybe throw the bird up for shits and gigs. But when the clock strikes midnight tonight, know that the power lies within you and not the date not the calendar. Gandhi had it right…be the change you wish to see. It starts with one step, and that step is today.

I love you all! A couple more days until we can reunite in the place that keeps us whole :) Happy YOU year!

XOXO,
​C

Hi there TORQUE Tribe! It has been a little while, but as always, I am happy to be back with you in one of my most favorite spaces...the blog. I hope that the way of the world is not impacting you too much and that you are remembering to take care of yourselves no matter what stage of life you are in. It is the most important thing to do. No matter how big or small the action is, make sure you are doing something each day that makes your heart happy and your soul dance. It is truly what sets this tribe apart from the rest of the world. We use our happiness, our determination, and our strength to show the world love and kindness each day in some capacity. I just wanted to give you a shout out real quick to remember that your work, your presence, and your impact matters. Even when you think it doesn't, it does. I can promise you that.

When I sat down to write this today, I wasn't sure where it would lead me. I had a few ideas bopping around in my head, but like it always does, the topic comes to me when I am in this space. I close my eyes and I think of all of you. I think of how I see myself and my struggles and life experiences in all of you. I think of the relationships I have created. I think of the relationships I have lost. I think why? I think how? I think about this life we are walking and the lesson we have acquired together on this journey. I think a lot of things and I see a lot of things. And today, and for a while, I have been seeing and thinking of this message. Something that I live by greatly. And I am sure some of you do as well. But, I think we tend to live by the one side of it and don't really think about the other half of this equation. There is a saying, "if it won't matter in 5 years, don't give it 5 minutes." Those words are so true. So many things pop up throughout our daily lives. Little things that are pesky and annoying. Snarky comments, schedule changes, miscommunication, you name it, they happen. And believe me, I know, they are ANNOYING. They are just annoying enough that we dwell on them longer than we should. For instance, we get an email asking us to send something or forward something and upload something and that means we have to go dig and find it and then copy it and paste it and create and email and attach it and send it and we get so worked up over something that is minuscule. We could have honestly probably completed the task in the amount of time that we grabbed our phone, texted our friend or coworker or whoever to complain about the situation. I know I am not the only one here who takes small things in their day to day life and make them big. Because at that time, maybe they were big. But it is important to remember that whatever we are faced with won't matter in 5 years abs to not give 5 minutes of our life and frustration to it. But what about the other way around. What if we are faced with a situation and we ask ourselves that same question, "will this matter in 5 years?" What if we ask that...and the answer is yes. What do we do then? Well, to put it in short...we give it the 5 minutes.

I like words. I like to look deeper into words. I like to investigate them, manipulate them, and figure out what they mean. I like taking things and looking at it through a different lens or a lens that it wasn't intended to be looked through. This saying is telling us to not waste time on the little things....but if you manipulate that sentence and reverse it...it tells you something else. It tells you to spend time on the big things. That is what I want to talk about today. Those events, those moments, those life situations that happen in our lives that WILL matter in 5 years. What do we do with them? How do we process them? How do we move on from them. Because there are a ton of things that happen in our lives that will bring us happiness and joy. Like birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, careers, etc. And we celebrate them. But what about the events that don't have that same effect on us? What about the events that stop us in our tracks, make our hearts sink into our stomachs, and leave us standing there thinking not about 5 years, but simply the next 5 minutes. What about those events? I am not an expert by any means. Just a person who took something awful, and in 5 years made it beautiful. I can remember my stop in your track, heart sinking, not sure what the next 5 minutes held moment very clearly. I am sure that if you are reading this and can relate, you can feel something happening inside you and your mind drifting away to that exact moment, where life stopped being measured by years, and your future became seconds and minutes. These times are scary. These times are usually unannounced. And these times have no guidelines or best sellers on how to get out of them. These times suck when we are in them. But sometimes, and in my experience most times, they bring us to the most amazing things in life. To put this simply, these types of events require 5 minutes. They require a combination of 5 minutes. They require your entire being, all your energy, and your heart and soul. They require attention and support and love and patience. They require pain and hardship and tough decisions. They require you. Every single ounce. And they require this for a while. Until they don't, because one day they won't. And slowly but surely, these stop in your tracks moment become less and less a part of your life. Not that you forget them, but you start to accept them. You look at them in maybe a different lens, a lens that wasn't intended for the situation but that you decided to look through. You see the possibilities, the good, the opportunities that it leads you to. You let go of the pain and use it as motivation to persevere. You heal your wounds, but are proud of your scars. You do this by giving yourself time and grace. You are gentle and understanding. You take 3 steps forward some days and 3 steps back on others, but you don't stop moving. And one day, like me today, you wake up thinking back 5 years and realize you were happy you gave this 5 minutes (100000 times over again). Because these events that WILL matter in 5 years, are what make you you. Not the event itself but the strength, courage, freedom, and wisdom that you gain from it.

I want you to think about an event that changed your life. An event that you thought you would never overcome. And think of how it helped you get here to this place today. What did you gain from it? What did you learn from it? I can say that I gained my career, my friends, my fiance, my outlook, and my self worth. All from something that I thought was my ending. Little did I know, it was just the beginning. Give yourself the time, even if it is 5 minutes, to deal and heal from these events. 5 years from now it will still matter, but you can determine what that means for you. It's in you. It's been destined for you all along. And maybe now it is time to show the world and yourself, just how damn strong you are.

Things come and go, but you remain. Remember that. I love you, always and all ways.

Caroline