Hi there TORQUE Tribe! It has been a little while, but as always, I am happy to be back with you in one of my most favorite spaces...the blog. I hope that the way of the world is not impacting you too much and that you are remembering to take care of yourselves no matter what stage of life you are in. It is the most important thing to do. No matter how big or small the action is, make sure you are doing something each day that makes your heart happy and your soul dance. It is truly what sets this tribe apart from the rest of the world. We use our happiness, our determination, and our strength to show the world love and kindness each day in some capacity. I just wanted to give you a shout out real quick to remember that your work, your presence, and your impact matters. Even when you think it doesn't, it does. I can promise you that.

When I sat down to write this today, I wasn't sure where it would lead me. I had a few ideas bopping around in my head, but like it always does, the topic comes to me when I am in this space. I close my eyes and I think of all of you. I think of how I see myself and my struggles and life experiences in all of you. I think of the relationships I have created. I think of the relationships I have lost. I think why? I think how? I think about this life we are walking and the lesson we have acquired together on this journey. I think a lot of things and I see a lot of things. And today, and for a while, I have been seeing and thinking of this message. Something that I live by greatly. And I am sure some of you do as well. But, I think we tend to live by the one side of it and don't really think about the other half of this equation. There is a saying, "if it won't matter in 5 years, don't give it 5 minutes." Those words are so true. So many things pop up throughout our daily lives. Little things that are pesky and annoying. Snarky comments, schedule changes, miscommunication, you name it, they happen. And believe me, I know, they are ANNOYING. They are just annoying enough that we dwell on them longer than we should. For instance, we get an email asking us to send something or forward something and upload something and that means we have to go dig and find it and then copy it and paste it and create and email and attach it and send it and we get so worked up over something that is minuscule. We could have honestly probably completed the task in the amount of time that we grabbed our phone, texted our friend or coworker or whoever to complain about the situation. I know I am not the only one here who takes small things in their day to day life and make them big. Because at that time, maybe they were big. But it is important to remember that whatever we are faced with won't matter in 5 years abs to not give 5 minutes of our life and frustration to it. But what about the other way around. What if we are faced with a situation and we ask ourselves that same question, "will this matter in 5 years?" What if we ask that...and the answer is yes. What do we do then? Well, to put it in short...we give it the 5 minutes.

I like words. I like to look deeper into words. I like to investigate them, manipulate them, and figure out what they mean. I like taking things and looking at it through a different lens or a lens that it wasn't intended to be looked through. This saying is telling us to not waste time on the little things....but if you manipulate that sentence and reverse it...it tells you something else. It tells you to spend time on the big things. That is what I want to talk about today. Those events, those moments, those life situations that happen in our lives that WILL matter in 5 years. What do we do with them? How do we process them? How do we move on from them. Because there are a ton of things that happen in our lives that will bring us happiness and joy. Like birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, careers, etc. And we celebrate them. But what about the events that don't have that same effect on us? What about the events that stop us in our tracks, make our hearts sink into our stomachs, and leave us standing there thinking not about 5 years, but simply the next 5 minutes. What about those events? I am not an expert by any means. Just a person who took something awful, and in 5 years made it beautiful. I can remember my stop in your track, heart sinking, not sure what the next 5 minutes held moment very clearly. I am sure that if you are reading this and can relate, you can feel something happening inside you and your mind drifting away to that exact moment, where life stopped being measured by years, and your future became seconds and minutes. These times are scary. These times are usually unannounced. And these times have no guidelines or best sellers on how to get out of them. These times suck when we are in them. But sometimes, and in my experience most times, they bring us to the most amazing things in life. To put this simply, these types of events require 5 minutes. They require a combination of 5 minutes. They require your entire being, all your energy, and your heart and soul. They require attention and support and love and patience. They require pain and hardship and tough decisions. They require you. Every single ounce. And they require this for a while. Until they don't, because one day they won't. And slowly but surely, these stop in your tracks moment become less and less a part of your life. Not that you forget them, but you start to accept them. You look at them in maybe a different lens, a lens that wasn't intended for the situation but that you decided to look through. You see the possibilities, the good, the opportunities that it leads you to. You let go of the pain and use it as motivation to persevere. You heal your wounds, but are proud of your scars. You do this by giving yourself time and grace. You are gentle and understanding. You take 3 steps forward some days and 3 steps back on others, but you don't stop moving. And one day, like me today, you wake up thinking back 5 years and realize you were happy you gave this 5 minutes (100000 times over again). Because these events that WILL matter in 5 years, are what make you you. Not the event itself but the strength, courage, freedom, and wisdom that you gain from it.

I want you to think about an event that changed your life. An event that you thought you would never overcome. And think of how it helped you get here to this place today. What did you gain from it? What did you learn from it? I can say that I gained my career, my friends, my fiance, my outlook, and my self worth. All from something that I thought was my ending. Little did I know, it was just the beginning. Give yourself the time, even if it is 5 minutes, to deal and heal from these events. 5 years from now it will still matter, but you can determine what that means for you. It's in you. It's been destined for you all along. And maybe now it is time to show the world and yourself, just how damn strong you are.

Things come and go, but you remain. Remember that. I love you, always and all ways.

Caroline

Hi there torque babes!! Wow. Writing that felt so good. I cannot tell you how much I miss this blog. Seriously, it is one of my most favorite things in this world and for the past couple of weeks I just haven’t been able to be here. Between moving and virtual teaching (what the hell were we thinking ??) life has just been crazy. But now that school is settling in and so are things at the house, I finally had the chance to be here with all of you. And it feels so good. I really cannot describe it. I guess I can say it is way better than writing lesson plans or emails. But anyway, welcome back and thank you for being patient.

These past few weeks, as I experienced the craziness of life right now, I kept asking myself...”could I blog about this?” Meaning, could I find something in the middle of the crazy and the stress and the technology to blog about. And finally I realized that all these things, these moments, all related and went back to this central idea. Something that I have said to myself I think 100 times since the sun rose this morning. Good things take time. Stay with me on this one, I promise your soul needs to hear it.

Babies. Businesses. Education. Falling in love with yourself. Paying off loans. Building a house. Achieving your dreams. Even wine for gods sake!! They all take time. That word is either your best friend or your worst enemy in situations. All things that are good, take time. I started saying this to myself a few weeks back. School started on Monday, we moved into our new house of Friday. I was so focused on getting my classroom set up and organized (hello virtual teaching) thst everything else got put to the side. We slept on our mattress on the floor with random blankets. We are take out more nights than I can count. Our clothes were in boxes. Nothing was is order. And I was mad. I couldn’t live like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and suddenly I got very overwhelmed. I just wanted it to be done. I wanted to be settled. I wanted it to be perfect. And it wasn’t. Then school started on Monday. Virtually. With 1st graders. And I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted them to have fun. I wanted everything to work. And when it didn’t and when it was hard, I got very overwhelmed and frustrated. I started to hate my job. And if you know me you know I LOVE my job. But I let the stress and frustration and anxiety over take the situation. Because in these moments, I wanted time to be my best friend. But it didn’t work like that, it had to be my enemy because the universe knew that these things would be good. And we know that good things take time.

But what do we do while the good things are taking their time?? Because sometimes it is a LONGGG time. Well, we find the little good things. We add them up. And soon the big good thing will be there. For instance, the day our pantry was organized and unpacked it felt a little better. I felt like we could cook. Things felt more normal. Was the whole house set up? Nope. But was it a little more then it was the day before. You bet. Or the day everyone logged into teams without a problem. Was the whole day perfect ??? No. But was that part? Yes. That’s the part we get stuck in. The waiting. The missing the process happen. Nothing happens overnight except pimples and snowstorms. Things take time. And if we constantly keep looking to what it will be, we will forever be frustrated with what it is now.

So the next time the school day has some bumps in it, remember that it gets better each day. When you can’t do the one sprint in class, remember there was a day you couldn’t do even one. When the days seem long, remember the years fly by. Be patient with time. It has a plan. It knows what is meant to be good. Trust in yourself. Find the good in the moments. And remember, in the end it’s all going to be okay and if it’s not okay then it’s not the end. You can do this. You are doing this. Just be more gentle on yourself while doing it. It makes the waiting less painful and the end goal more approachable. Oh, and remember to love yourself. Because you deserve it more than anyone else. That’s all for now. Hopefully it’s not another month before we chat, but if so, remember good things take time 😉

All my love, patience, and grace,

Caroline

Hi there tribe, I hope this finds you well. I started writing this blog and had a totally different topic in mind. But then, Tuesday hit, and it just felt like the topic needed to change because what’s important right now is just facing reality. The reality right now is, life is hard. And it seems to be getting harder. I mean I can’t be the only one who is sitting here thinking how much more can we take?? I think that right about now we are just all at the end of our ropes. This world, it is crazy. This year, record breaking. And here we are bearing the weight of it all. So the question that I am asking myself is...how do we keep going.

I know I am not the only one who some days I just want to throw in the towel. There are just those days where it all falls apart. Nothing goes right. Something else goes wrong. Everyone is screaming. No one is happy. And you sit there in your fear of failure and want to just quit. And guess what...that is okay. There is no how to on life. There is no right or wrong way to react. And sometimes the best thing to do on these days or these moments is to simply let them happen. Let them take up some of our energy. Allow ourselves to feel the feels. Throw a pitty party, drink some wine, eat ice cream, etc. That is OK. But, the key part to these days is to rise with the sun on the following and start new.

So let’s take this week. School board meetings are a nightmare. The pandemic and its guidelines can be frustrating to explain and carry through. Working from home is getting harder and harder as the days go on. Normalcy is a thing of the past. Fear of the virus is still very real. And I’m the midst of all of that...throw in a hurricane and massive flooding in our area. And somehow, just somehow, we are supposed to make sound decisions and have tough conversations and take time for ourselves and make happy summer memories. And sometimes, it is just too hard and we stand there and wonder just how much more can we take. My answer for this is not renown. It’s not anything special. It is something we all can do. Deep breaths. Take a deep breath. Slow and steady. I know that this seems so minuscule in the big picture, but that’s the idea. There is A LOT going on right now. The world is literally insane. And working in that big bubble is stressful. Imagine trying to climb a mountain with just one step. Impossible. So why do we try to face all of this at the same time. We need to take deep breaths. We need to wiggle our toes. We need to find our heart beat. We need to re-center and re-focus ourselves. And we need to take it down to one moment, one breath, and one problem to face at a time.

So with all of this going on and all the unknown that is going on, it is important to try and bring it back to one moment. One breath. One problem on the table to tackle. And then, face the next one. Remember that you are not alone. Cling to those who help you through. Find the sunshine during the days and if you can’t, look to the moon, it shines for a reason. Allow yourself to not be okay and keep on moving forward. It’s not a matter of how fast we are moving, but rather that we don’t stop moving, or trying in this case. Work will return. The kids will graduate. Normalcy will come back. And it will all be okay. Hold onto that and bring it into anything you face. Know that you are loved. Know that you are apart of one of the best communities in the world. And that if you ever need someone, we are here for you. We love you. We are here with you during this unknown time. And that one day, the sun will rise.

All my love and grace,

Caroline

Hi beautiful, it’s me. Your soul speaking. Today is an important day. It’s the one you have been waiting for. And maybe it isn’t just this day, maybe it is a combination of days, weeks, months, moments, or opportunities. But no matter where you fall on the spectrum, you need to stop here in this moment. You need to take it in. You need to remember this moment. The sun is ready to rise in your life. The more important question...will you let it.

You see, the sun is constantly rising and setting. Every single day. Literally, not a day goes by where there isn’t daylight. And it’s the same for the flip side. Not a day goes by where there isn’t some time when the sun is away and darkness sets in. It’s scary though how sometimes we only see ourselves or our life in those dark times. We might see the daylight, or know that it is there, but for whatever reason we don’t allow ourselves to feel the warmth and the love it brings. We remove ourselves from any and all opportunity to feel the good. To accept the good. To be worthy of the good. I know this isn’t easy and I know especially right now there is a lot of unknown and dark times, but every single day the sun rises in your life. And if you embrace it, if you look for it, and if you allow your soul to feel it, soon you see just how bright your life is.

So how do we do this? Well, patience and practice. That’s a good first step. In times of stress and uncertainty it is our human nature to think negatively. We get insecure, nervous, anxious, and stressed. We allow our inner demons to lead us and guide us to what they want us to see, think, and feel. And until we retrain our brain, anything that isn’t clean cut and crystal clear....we won’t see. So we have to start by retraining our brains. We do this by taking in every moment. Analyzing our feelings at different parts of the day. Learning to acknowledge our weak points and our stressors. And once we do that...then we start to think of how that moment, that weakness or anxiety, is a good thing. How are our flaws beautiful? How can we make them shine?? I have been through a lot in the past few years and believe me when I say I can remember a lot of dark times. But I can also remember a conversation with a good TORQUE friend of mine. She said, “ya know the moon gives off light for a reason”. It’s the universe telling us that even in the bad, their is good. And even in the dark, there is light.

Life right now is tough. Point blank. And it has been for months. Some of us have figured it out. Some of us have not. And guess what, both are okay and both will probably change again 5 more times until we have reached the point where our sun is truly shining. But the main point here is each day you wake up with the opportunity to find the good. I can’t tell you how important and life changing it can be in the darkest of times to recognize that it isn’t all bad. Those moments that we recognize as being light, they are the glimmers of hope that we need. And soon, they become brighter and brighter. The more we train our brain to see the good in all things, the more we are able to see the sun rising in our lives.

So no matter where you are in life, know there is light. If you’re heart is beating, there is light. If your home is safe, there is light. If you’re fridge is full, there is light. If you love and are loved, there is light. Don’t allow darkness to steal the light from the things you are surround by daily. Let those things, outshine it all. Be patient. Be positive. And let it happen. Soon, your life will be radiating and so will you.

The sun will rise. It’ll be alright. I promise.

Caroline

Hello TORQUE family, how I miss you so. There really are not the proper words to describe just how all of this feels. I know it is not easy to express or say, but I am confident we all feel it. Whether you have been here from the start or joined us a week before the shutdown, you know the love and life that this studio gives and right now we could all use it. This pandemic is nothing short of an obstacle. Each day we are faced with new things. New challenges to face. New hats to wear. New emotions to sort. It is all still new in a sense even though it has become our normal. I don’t think this will ever fully settle within our souls as normal and sorting out those feelings is just part of the battle. I’ve been reminding myself of one word through all of this. I’ve been praying, hoping, wishing, to whoever you believe it to give me this. Through all of this, we must give ourselves grace, it’s the only way we will carry on. 

So what does that even mean. How do we “give ourselves grace”. Well, the saying in and of itself means to give the kindness and love that you need and deserve. It’s far from easy and is definitely a work in progress, but I think right now it is one of our only choices. But how? How do we do this?? Unfortunately, amazon doesn’t sell this. And target (RIP) is in the same boat. We find grace in forgiveness, patience, and love. Stay with me as I explain. 

Forgiveness. It’s one of the hardest things to do. To let go of feelings. To let go of pain. To let go of frustration. All of it is so hard, but so necessary. When we forgive our significant others, our colleagues, our families, and more importantly ourselves, that is when we feel and find grace. If you miss a workout, forgive yourself. If you are frustrated with a co worker, forgive yourself. If you lash out on the kids, forgive yourself. There is no how to on any of this. But  it important to remember that our frustrations and our anger is not worth our health and happiness. It is not going to steal anymore of this normalcy. When we forgive, we find peace. Something we all need right now. 

Patience. It’s a virtue we practice everyday. Not an easy one, but an essential one. Be patient with yourself. Finding grace is not going to happen over night. It will not work the first time. And it will be a roller coaster of a ride. But patience will get your through. In times of stress and worry...close your eyes, count to 10, then access the situation. Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings. Be patient and let yourself be okay with that. 

Love. The answer to all things. The most essential of them all. Hold those babies tight. Do tik toks with your teenagers. Let them pick the movie because you always get to pick. Cook his/her favorite meal. Send the text. Make the call. Go the extra mile this time. Act with love and your life will shine. Love hard. Love daily. Love strong. Love together. Love apart. Whatever you do, do it with love and your life will be full. If you lay down at night and have a beating heart and a house full of love, you’ve done good for that day. Remember that, today, tomorrow, and always. 

Come on this journey of grace with me. Let’s fill this stressful and uncertain time with forgiveness, patience, and love. And as we do, watch as it blooms into the most beautiful adventure you could have ever embarked on. It will be wholesome. It will be fulfilling. And most importantly, it will be yours. Give yourself some grace today, even if it’s for a second. I promise you it will go a long way. 

All my love to you all no matter where you may be, 

Caroline

Dear Me, 
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How are we entering the 7th week of this quarantine. 7 weeks of stillness in the world. 7 weeks of homes becoming office spaces and classrooms. 7 weeks of being together, yet apart. 7 weeks of chances and opportunities to become better or rise to the challenge. 7 weeks of at home workouts waiting to be done. 7 weeks of healthy meals to be cooked. 7 weeks of skincare routines and books to read. We have been through all of that and yet, I am looking back and thinking one thing… 7 weeks of me failing at it again. 

I just don't know how we got here. How has it been 7 weeks already. I mean it just seems to be flying by, yet going so slow. It seems like the days are so long, but there is still no time. It seems like the world is figuring out how to endure this and I’m not there yet. I mean I go on Instagram and see everyone and their mother doing these awesome workouts, making these amazing dinners, baking these scrumptious desserts, having zoom happy hours on repeat. I go on Facebook and see the amazingness of the world. Food bank donations, birthday parades, songs being released, and cards being sent to frontline workers. And here I am wondering if I will have the motivation today to to shower and answer one email before I log back on and scroll through again just to feel guilty and sorry for myself. 

I just can’t seem to find the good in this right now. I am wondering if maybe there is just something wrong with me. Why can’t I figure this out. Why can’t I just be like them. I am low on motivation. I am exhausted and annoyed by work. I am frustrated with my child’s teacher. I am scared to go to the store. I am finding every excuse in the book to not take care of myself. I am struggling with this more so than I can say and I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to.
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Love, Me 
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