-Behind the smile-

Hi there. I feel like we have been here in this space before. The one where we aren’t sure what we are about to read, but know that it intrigued us to the point that we wanted to be here. Sometimes these topics of who we are, are tough. And not because we worry what people see in us. I mean sure, there are the daily insecurities that we all face and they are nothing to scoff at. But I’m talking about the other things we worry about. The things that people don’t see. The things that are happening behind the smile. You know, the one we put on every day and accompany with the words “I’m fine”. Yeah, those are the things we are about to read and talk about. I think the perspective of what happens behind the happiness we project and the pain we suppress is really truly important.

Behind the smile there is a mom who is doing her best. She is tired. She is constantly worried and questioning her every move. Wondering if this brand of food is okay to give the kids even though it’s all she has right now. Wondering when and who will do the laundry. Angry thar her jobs calls her the same time her kids do. Wondering if she sent the note in the folder this morning about parent pick up. Stressing about how she will make the chorus concert when it’s scheduled at the same time as her yearly review meeting. Wondering if she will remember to pick up the dry cleaning. Wondering if she is enough. Upset when she looks in the mirror but reminds herself this is the body that brought her babies. Wanting to have more time for herself but just not sure how. But yet, she smiles.

Behind the smile there is a dad who wants to be home more. Who wants to remember all the things. Who wants to be there for the things. Who knows his work is important but has a hard time accepting that when it looks like a long commute, email after email, and missing things. He is happy he volunteered to be the sports coach but it feels like another stress. He feels like he is so out of touch with everything, but yet he smiles.

Behind the smile there is someone partner. Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend. They struggle with balancing work and their relationship. They want to be present, but feel pulled every which way. They want to grab them and dance in the kitchen, but seem to always have the thought after the fact. They want to walk in with a special treat, but had a no music, silent drive home. They want to meet them with grace and love, but snap with attitude. They want to open up, but sometimes hold it in. They want to give them all the love in the world, but sometimes need sleep. They want things to change, but just don’t know how. But yet, they smile and try to make it work.

Behind the smile is a scary place to be. It’s a place where our darkest fears, our deepest struggles, and our biggest insecurities live. It’s a place we cover with the easiest bandaid of all. It’s a place we all have. And while they may differ and while they may not always align perfectly. The things behind the smile are the things that actually make us do the opposite. These are the things that cause tears. That cause racing thoughts. That cause heartache and negative self talk. And while these are all things that we try to hide from the world, they are actually the things that we can connect on the most. And how amazing would it be to even be able to share one of those things with someone knowing that they have a boatload of their own things as well. It takes away the fear of being judged. Of not being enough. Of failing. And maybe, just maybe, by talking about what’s happening behind the smile, will change the smile. Maybe that smile will be genuine. Maybe it will fill us with happiness. Maybe it will remind us that we are working on what’s happening behind. And maybe, just maybe it will help us to realize that we really are all not that different.

So the next time we see someone, they meet us with a smile, and they say they are fine. Instead of saying “oh good”, maybe we say, “you sure?” Because all it takes is for someone to know that there could be something else happening to let someone let you in. Maybe we start to look beyond the smile, and love what’s there even more. Maybe, just maybe, behind the smile isn’t such a dark place. Because we have the power for it not to be. So let’s start with there.

All my love. All my heart. And hope for us to be all smiles soon.

Caroline