Hi, there loves, how I miss you so. Being worlds away is amazing at times and hard at others, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I hope you are all making the most of these summer days and cherishing all the memories, big and small, that this time of year brings. I so wish I could be there with you to experience the sunshine, but as you know my story took a detour, and a big one, to Ecuador for the summer. I truly believe that adventures are put into our lives for a reason. While I understand we all can’t flee the country for 5 weeks at any given time, we can still go on journeys. And these journeys, they are the ones that our souls long for.
We talk a lot about personal growth, self-love, moving forward and so forth and so on. It is a topic that we are luckily surrounded by all the time. We are encouraged to embark on these journeys and we are surrounded by others who are embarking on the same journey. Are we all chasing the same thing? Probably not. Are we all starting at the same place? Nope. But we are all working towards something? Absolutely. I am just like all of you, working towards a better version of myself. It’s hard to chase the things that your soul wants. Because it is never a clean-cut thing. To chase careers, they might be laid out for us. To achieve a look, that can be done. To achieve ‘feelings’ though, that is the hard stuff. That is what our souls long for. That is the journey that we are all walking, myself included. And the hard part is not the decision to embark on it, but the decision to immerse ourselves in it.
Two years ago, I got my hand dealt to me. We all have those moments where our world stops and crashes. Where we learn what our cross will be. Where we realize what we thought our lives would be was no longer a reality. It’s a scary moment. It’s a hard one. And it is one that comes with no instructions, no guidelines, and no explanation. Not only are you on a search for how to fix it, you're also searching for a way to understand it. The reality is that it takes time for the pieces to make sense. To find their place. For your heart to heal. For your eyes to open. For you to wake up. But when you do, you move mountains.
The other day I found myself on top of a mountain looking out onto a country that I am not apart of, but in a world that I belong to. It was the such a weird feeling, because I had never felt so alone in my entire life, yet I felt like I had everything I needed. It was just me, the thin air, and once again, my beating heart. I didn't say anything but felt something I had not felt for so long. Free. That feeling, it was the one my heart longed for so long. It was one I couldn’t seem to find. One that I have worked so hard for. And that moment, well it was everything. I saw so many of the faces of the people who walked with me to this point. I heard phrases of things that they had said to me along the way, words of love and encouragement. I felt the chains breaking free of my mind, my heart, and my soul. I woke up and my eyes were finally seeing what my heart had been longing for, me. It sounds so silly to say that I found myself, but it’s true. I realized WHO was important. I realized WHAT I wanted. And I realized that at the end of each day, you have yourself, and once again, it is TRULY all you need.
When we have these moments. When our eyes are freed from the insecurities the moments that we wake up, those are the ones when begin to move mountains. Where we start to live our lives, not the ones we were dealt. When we weave the pain of the past with the joy of the future. We begin to fully live. I know that these moments come and go. That they happen many times in our lifetime. That we must be patient for them. But when they come, it all makes sense. So wherever you are in your journey, hold on tight. I promise you, you will awake. And you will move mountains.
Infinite X's and O's.