-If you’re struggling, read this-

To whoever is reading this, hi. I know that scrolling through, seeing this title, deciding to click on it, and get to this space might not have been easy. You may have thought about whether you should open this or not. Maybe you aren’t sure if you’re struggling, but it seemed compelling. Maybe you are struggling, this seemed scary, and you clicked on it anyway. Whatever the reason is. Whatever the feelings were, it doesn’t matter because you are here. And for that alone I am proud of you. I am hopeful that this blog, this post specifically, can help you to see that you matter and you are certainly not alone. I hope you can find comfort in the idea that people in your community, so many of them, also clicked on this, because somehow, someway it resonated with them. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And know you are here in this space, with more people than you know. Find peace in the fact that we are all struggling to some extent, and let these words find a place in your soul and your heart.

Struggle. So how does one even define it. We could say it is something that is hard, but then we get to another dead end. How do we define what is hard? Is there a way to define it? Is there a way to measure it? Is what’s hard for me hard for you? The simple answer and only answer is, no. There is no way to compare, measure, or define what hard is. There is no way to do the same thing with the word struggle. And to take it one step further, there is no way to do all of that for the word pain either. Because that’s the cycle right? Something is hard or stressful and stays that way until it becomes a struggle, something that is consistently hard. And then the struggle parks itself in our lives for a period of time and it starts to cause pain, something that wears on us overtime. We start to lose pieces of ourselves in the struggle and through the pain. We start to notice we aren’t as happy. We aren’t as connected. We aren’t as “us”. I say this, because I’ve know it. I’ve lived it and truth be told, a lot of you have too. So what do we do?

Well the first thing we do is we don’t compare. No way no how can we compare our hard, our struggles, or our pain to anyone else’s. Because the reality is these things all have caused us to feel bad about ourselves, make life’s daily tasks more challenging, and caused us to carry stress and grief around for whatever reason. Those things, those impacts, cannot be measured. You can’t one up someone on having low self esteem. It’s like trying to convince someone who has a 42% as their grade as failing more then someone who has a 55%. Bottom line at the end of the day you’re both failing. Is one slightly better than the other? Maybe? But who’s to say? So know in this space your hard and struggle and pain are seen as what they do to you, not what they do for the rest of the world or what they mean to the rest of the world.

The second thing we do is we cry. Yup. That’s right. We feel the feels. We let it happen. Because the only way to move forward is to accept that we are here in this space. So maybe you put on a song that turns you to a puddle. Maybe you don’t even need the song, maybe you just let yourself finally feel it and let it go. Whatever it is do it. But here’s the catch. Only for 5 minutes. Yep, set the timer. Feel the feels. Let it out. Then blow your nose, fix your mascara, and show yourself that you can have feelings and still face the world. When we have too much time to be sad or too much time to dwell on the sad, then we start to get comfortable with those feelings. And they start to feel like the only thing we know. Let yourself feel them, but not for too long.

Another thing we can do is we can come clean. I know that a lot of the times we keep these things to ourselves. It’s hard to admit to someone else that we don’t have it together. I know I struggle with this the most. I want to appear put together. I want to be seen as all good. But the reality is we all know deep down that’s true. In every house there is a junk drawer. In every house there are missing socks. In every office there are unread emails. In every where we go there is something that isn’t fully perfect. Listen when I say this, in every person there is a piece of there heart that hurts. Read that again. It’s okay to be the junk drawer or the lonely sock. Everyone has their turn. The important thing is to have the mindset that talking to someone about your struggles isn’t you complaining. When you talk to someone about the things that keep you up at night or land you on the shower floor crying, that conversation is a gift. You trust that person with your biggest insecurities. You are showing them your vulnerability and laying it all out for them. You chose them for a reason. Have that mindset in your head the next time you talk to someone about things like this. Maybe even say “hey, I’m coming to you because I know you will listen with love and respond with grace.” Showing them that you value your friendship, silents that pesky voice in your head that you are a burden. Because you aren’t and never will be.

Finally, we lay our head down at night knowing we did the best we could that day. Even if keeping your heart beating throughout the day was the best you could do, you did it. Find victories. Start small. Count them. Say them. Recognize them. When you start to realize just how many things you do each day that contribute positively to your life, you realize that sometimes the good DOES outweigh the bad. You gain a perspective of yourself you didn’t know was there. And once you have that, the past truly becomes the past because the future just holds so much more and you have decided how you will see it. So much power comes with the realization that you chose your reality.

So when we find ourself in a struggle and we feel that pain, remember we are in control. We CAN do things to make it better. We have that power. We have THAT control. We cannot control what has happened, what will happened, how we reacted or responded, but we can control what we do from this point on. Don’t compare. Let yourself feel. Confide in someone. And lay down each night knowing that the smallest victory is still a win. It’s another day of not letting the struggles totally define you. It’s the hope you need to make it to the next day. Sometimes, hope is all you need. The believe that it will get better, not by something magical out there. By something magical right here. You.

That is all. Be kind to everyone you encounter for they could have read this blog just like you. And maybe, we are more alike then we know. Hold on, pain (always) ends.

Xoxo, C