Hi there tribe! Hope all is well. I have been recently thinking about what to write about and wasn't sure which avenue I wanted to take. I have been wanting to write about this topic for a couple of weeks but wasn't sure how to go about it. I kept seeing it posted all over social media and it is something that we all need to hear. So I think I'm finally ready to speak on this. Listen up ladies, because this topic is toxic. If we don't stop it, if we don't change our mindset on this, if we let it keep happening, then we are failing. Failure isn't an option here when we have the ability to avoid it. And this is one of those things that we can 100% avoid. So I ask you this question, since when did her win become your loss? I know. It’s deep, but we have to talk through this one because if we don’t we might continue on this path of taking other peoples victories as our inability to succeed. And that mindset, it isn't good for anyone. So let’s break this down.
Since when? Well, unfortunately, the answer is probably forever. We are human. We compare. We talk others down to build ourselves up. While we don't like to admit this we all know that at one time or another, we have been there. We have been on the beach and compared ourselves to another person. And instead of saying, “wow they look awesome, they must be dedicated to their lifestyle” we think, “I wish I had time to workout all day but I actually work for a living”. Or we see someone with a new car and instead of thinking “good for them” we think “I cant afford something like that because I have children to pay for” or we see a family who is happy and healthy and we take that image and maybe we convince ourselves that they are putting on a facade, that there is no way they are happy, that it is fake. And the problem with all of this besides the fact that it is so mean and unecessary, is no one is winning. No one is happy. And when that happens, when we all reach one emotion as a whole, that is dangerous, toxic and totally not okay.
You see when we impose our negativity on someone else’s positivity, we feel better about ourselves and they now feel negative about themselves. Because maybe the reason she works out and looks good is for her sanity. Maybe it is her church or her therapy. Maybe she makes it a priority. Maybe she drives a nice car because she can’t have children or doesn't want them. Maybe she is career driven. Maybe they really are happy and they really do love each other. Maybe it is all okay for it to be okay. Maybe it isn't for us to decide. You see, when we make their wins our losses, we take that away from them. Slowly and surely it then becomes this shame feeling. Something that someone worked so hard for, something they are so proud of, it is now associated with negativity because of how you perceived it. That is the big bold red flag problem that we MUST change sooner rather than later. Or else, we will all become numb to the joys of life. Wins and losses will become the same thing. And we will all become common enemies. That is the scary truth. So lets make a promise right now that we turn this around. But how?
We start by minding our own business. We don't write peoples stories for them. We don't infer or assume. We celebrate when we need to and we mourn when its time. And all that extra time and energy we have, we work on ourselves. We work on our hearts. We work on what our eyes are seeing. You see, when you have too much time on your hands to think you can think yourself to a permanent state of negativity. So let’s get out of there. Let’s fill our time with working on us. That way we are ready to jump up and down in celebration for others because we have something to celebrate as well. We will start to feel happy about our lives and want to share that happiness with others. And when it’s someone else’s turn we will remember how amazing it felt to be on the other side and to be supported.
So today we do something to work towards that celebration. We chime in and celebrate on others when appropriate and know our turn will come if we keep working. We build up, not break down. We add rather than subtract. We think good instead of bad. We love instead of hate. We take her win and use it as motivation to keep working towards ours. We walk together, hand in hand, in all the seasons of life. And by doing that, we become one badass, confident, loving tribe of women unstoppable against the world, because we have the strongest army behind us…each other.
The time for this must be now. All my love,