-This is how we walk on-

To my dearest tribe, it’s me again. It’s been a while since we have had one of these talks, but I think it is time. To address that big scary word that we all shy away from…change. Changes in life are inevitable. They are just the reality. Sometimes change is good and sometimes change is bad but it is something that no matter what, brings on anxiety and fear. Am I right? Everyone has a date in their head. An event. A something that they are working towards. And we all think that when we get to that date, it all will be better. All the blood, sweat, and tears will have been worth it. The bad memories, the sleepless nights, the bad choices, all of that will be erased from our memory and this new chapter full of exciting things will be upon us and all will be good. Right? We just keep telling ourselves we have to get to blank. And then all will be well. But what actually happens when we get to that date? Does it all just go away? Are we clean slates with the world as our oyster? Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Closing the chapter is the last thing you have to do. The chapter will not close unless you close it. So how do we do that? I’m not an expert on this, but for the past five days, I have been trying to close a pretty big chapter of my life. 

I recently finished my last semester at Penn State and have one more to go here at home. Friday, December 7th, was my date for a long time. We are talking 3 years people. College was just different for me. It was not the best four years of my life and that was okay. It was challenging in different ways and rewarding in some ways, but it was a task on my list of life that I had to complete.  So for the past three years, I worked towards this date. Anyone who knows me knows that I would continuously say “I just have to get home”. I remember thinking a few months back that the date was soon going to be here. That it would all be done. That this hard chapter of my life would finally be closed. And Friday came. And Friday passed. There were no fireworks. There was no lightbulb. There was no nothing. Friday, was just another Friday. And I remember driving home from school thinking, “well, this isn't what I thought today would be.” And I didn't understand why. I had just spent three years of my life working towards today and it was finally here and NOTHING. But then, it hit me. Any day is just an ordinary day until you make it meaningful. That was the day the chapter was closing…but if no one closed it, did it close? Trippy, I know. So, that’s when it came to me. We have to process all of what we have been through up until that “day” to really close the chapter. We have to acknowledge that we did it. We have to think back on how far we have come. We have to thank the people who helped us get there. We have to make it a special day. We have to put in that little last bit of work to finally say goodbye. And then, once we say goodbye and we process things, those butterflies and the smiles come to us. It’s almost amazing how so many of these moments happen in the spin room for me. But Monday morning, there I was, on the bike, with Sums, spinning to “Sanctuary”. I could feel the chapter closing. I knew that it was done and over with. That all the pain of the past was healing and the future was bright. I was home, in our sanctuary, where I belonged. It was an amazing feeling. it was the feeling I was waiting for. But it was one that I had to put the work in to get. 

I know that we all have something that we are dealing with. Something we pray will be over soon. Something that weighs us down and we wish we could just leave it in the past. Believe me, I know how hard it is to be in the thick of it. I’m here to tell you that 1. You are not alone. Bring the struggles into the studio. Let the tears fall. Let those conversations happen. Lean on us when you are not strong and let us hold your hand as you walk. it is why we are here, to go through the ups and downs of life hand in hand. Secondly, you will get through it. You will close the chapter. You will be happy. You will succeed. And most important you will be okay. Whatever it is you are facing, know that this too shall pass. And when it does, you will be stronger than you were when you started.  So it’s time to find beauty in the struggle and know that it is all part of a plan greater than both you and I. We are in this together. We will fight like hell through whatever life throws at us and we will rejoice and celebrate when it passes, but we will do it….together. And as I always say, together is my most favorite place to be. 

XO,
Caroline