Happy Wednesday TORQUE babes! This women crush is going to be a little bit different. It’s not going to follow the same format, it won’t have all the questions and answers, but it will have the same amount of love as the rest. But this love, it’s a different love. It’s self-love. Something that we all struggle with. Something that we don't feel worthy of. Something that we simply just do not do. And I think that we shy away from this idea of loving ourselves because quite frankly, it’s not easy. It may be one of the hardest things to do in this world, but I truly think it is one of the most amazing things we can do. I am more than happy to be the one to step out and share how learning to love myself was the greatest lesson I have ever learned. My hopes are that by the end of this something will spark that spot in your heart that is craving some loving because you know it is there, I know it is there, and it’s time to dive in and love YOU. Because at the end of the day all we have is the skin we live in and our beating hearts. And truth be told, it is all you need.
So for those of you who don't know me, my name is Caroline. Yes, I am the one who is behind the screen sending you all good vibes and love every week. So to all of you, Hi! For starters, I know I may only be twenty one years old, but it has been said by many that I am an old soul at heart. Don’t get me wrong, I love a college tailgate and an ice cold Natty Light, but at the same time I thrive off of good vibes and meaningful conversations. It’s a puzzling dynamic to understand, but I often ask myself if it is meant to be understood. I like to think my story, my cross, my struggles, and my victories have brought me here, to this place. And to be honest, I’m not really sure what this place is. Because to me, it feels like the lessons and strength of all the past experiences mixed with the anticipation and chase of achieving my biggest hopes and desires all while being present in the current moment dealing with what life throws at me. This place, it’s a lot to take in. And I am here to validate that voice in your head saying that there is no time in the midst of all of that to love yourself. Because I have been there. I have had the “I’ll put myself on the back burner conversation” one too many times. And you know where it lead me every single time…a double life. Stay with me here while I explain. When we put ourselves last - when we move our needs to the bottom of the list - when we give up on the one person who has been with us through it all, that is when we become two different people. We begin to have a 'day-self' and a 'night-self.' There is the person who goes to work. The one who runs to the grocery store and soccer practice. The one who posts on Facebook the joys in life. The one who the world sees. And to be honest, she is probably put together, smiling, and happy. And then there is the night version of ourselves. The one who comes out when the world is asleep. Because to us, alone is our safe space. It easy to be in pain alone because the only person you are hurting is yourself and well, you’ve been on this path now for a while so what is one more sleepless night with negative thoughts running through your head? Am I right? See, I know that the answer is yes. I know that some of you can feel your heart breaking a little bit right now. I know that some of your eyes are filling up. I know that it hurts to read the truth. But it is the first step towards freedom, towards happiness, towards love. All of these are things that you are so worthy of.
I can remember being here in this moment of wondering how I would merge my 'day-self' with my 'night-self' because to me that was the equation when you added it together equaled me. I was so scared and worried to show the world who I was when no one was watching. To take just one brick off the wall that I had built up so high. To let an ounce of love in for one second. It took me multiple tries, but my life turned around when I turned on my heart. When I took people to those dark places. When I said my darkest thoughts out loud. When I admitted I needed to be loved. That is how we begin to love ourselves. We give ourselves what we need. We get selfish for a little. We stop feeling bad for reaching out to people. We surround ourselves with love. And the more and more we do it, the more and more we believe it. Trust me, it is not easy. But what in life worth having comes easy? Not one thing. So, it's time to fight like hell. I know you’re tired. I know you have nothing left in you, but believe me, you do. How do I know this? Because you woke up this morning. Regardless if you woke up on the right side of the bed or not, you.woke.up. Your heart is still beating, and like I said earlier…that is all you need.
I feel like I can speak out on this because I can remember those times of really thinking all I had was my beating heart. But trust me loves, you have so much more. I do not know all you of you personally. I don't know what you carry. BUT I know the one thing that we all have in common. It’s our home. It’s our safe space. It is TORQUE. Time and time again, I am reminded how blessed I am for this studio. It has brought me so much love, so much happiness, and so much acceptance. I have met some of the most amazing people inside the walls of that studio, but the most amazing person I have met there was myself. Not only did I meet her, but I learned to love her for all that she is and all that she hopes to be. I learned what self love was, and let me tell you, it is the best type of love. I want this love, this type of acceptance for all of you. I wish you could all see what I see in you, how you all are so incredibly beautiful. So, we start today. And if today all you do is take a deep breath and let this thought become a thought, then that is enough. There is no timeline here, just know that this journey, is a beautiful one. There is so much love to be felt along the way. So many laughs to be laughed. So many conversations to be had. And so many hugs to be given. There is so much to look forward to in this life, make your future self one of them. I love you all to the moon, but it is time to shoot for the stars and together we will get there, one day, one laugh, one conversation, and one hug at a time. Here’s to Day One. I know you can do this.
There are no words left to say here TORQUE babes, just an immense amount of love to give to you all. Sending it in 3…2…1.